


A Series of Firsts

by OtterlyDeerlightful



Series: Lifemates AU [1]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Conflicted Emotions, Glanni has too much self-loathing, Ithro is a doormat, M/M, There will be sex, These boys suck at relationships, demisexual Ithro, pan? Glanni, the magic happens in chapter 5, the sexy sexy magic, we'll see if I can write porn or not when that bit comes along lol, why must all their character development be related to sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-01-29 12:46:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12631359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtterlyDeerlightful/pseuds/OtterlyDeerlightful
Summary: Glanni and Ithro's relationship is...complicated. What they have is new territory for the both of them, and they have to figure out how to navigate whatever-this-is as best they can. Can two people on such opposite ends of the spectrum make things work?





	1. Stay

Why was he here? Why had he _stayed_? More importantly, how had a completely impromptu alleyway fuck weeks ago lead to _this_? Glanni stared at the wall as a pair of muscular arms held tight around his torso. He could feel ĺÞróttaálfurinn’s warm breath on the back of his neck. Sleeping around with thugs and criminals was just another Thursday night for Glanni…but for someone like ĺÞrót? He couldn’t understand it.

It had started with just a stupid kiss. It hadn’t even meant anything. Glanni has only wanted to fluster the stupid flippy hero he could escape the night’s pursuit. He had wanted to catch the man off guard. Glanni certainly hadn’t expected the man to kiss him back! The rest of the encounter was mostly a blur to him now, but he _did_ remember roaming hands, an old crumpled box of macaroni and cheese sticking to his hip as he deflowered the hero at his mercy, and ĺþrót yelping in surprise when the fae sunk his teeth into his neck. He had been convinced that he dreamed the entire thing until spotting the fading marks on the town hero’s neck during their next encounter a few days later. The entire thing had been strange, to say the least, but it was over. Or so Glanni had thought at the time.

Their second meeting—to the criminal’s amazement—had been the result of ĺþróttaálfurinn’s own initiative. The elf had clearly been nervous, and even more obviously trying to hide it. The two had simply run into each other on the street. Neither of them was engaged in any scheming or assignments; it was just the two of them as they made their separate daily rounds. Glanni had frozen when ĺþrót approached, convinced that he was about to be arrested for _something_ he had done recently. Instead, the man had cupped Glanni’s cheek in his shaking, sweaty hand and kissed him. They had ended up in another alley not long after that. The fae had been left confused for days afterward.

The unlikely pair had retreated to motels and abandoned buildings after that, if only to avoid being discovered by…anyone. Neither man knew which of them had more to lose from being exposed, and it quickly became a silent agreement that they would each keep their adventures together private. That had suited Glanni just fine; he rarely spoke during his encounters with ĺÞróttaálfurinn anyway, just on principle. Even the elf was uncharacteristically quiet…at least as far as coherent speech was concerned.

ĺÞrót quickly became a beautiful, taboo thrill for Glanni…but little more than that. Their meetings together were a curious highlight that he thoroughly enjoyed every time the opportunity arose. He had—somehow, at some point—broken his hero with his dashingly good looks and infamous charms. The criminal was shocked to find how submissive and needing the hero was, and he loved the care and admiration ĺþrót would show him, how far the elf would let him go before letting out a meek protest at Glanni’s utter domination of the man. It felt so strange to hold such power over a man that could probably snap him in half without a second thought. ĺþrót, kitten that he was, still embodied the addictive rush of danger on which Glanni thrived.

 It had been months, now. Their daily game of cat-and-mouse had become speckled with secret meetings and schemes that would devolve into a warped version of prostitution. Need to recover a stolen idol? _Only if you can pay the price_. Glanni began to look forward to their rendezvous; ĺþrót’s unending eagerness and attention were a welcome addition to his shallow life. The once-frightening ĺÞróttaálfurinn was now his slave, desperate for Glanni’s attention. And it was beautiful. He wasn’t sure how or why his mortal enemy had become his secret lover but, truth be told, Glanni was too afraid to ask. The fae never stayed after the hero had been thoroughly exhausted; he never stayed long for _anyone_. ĺÞrót was no different.

So why was he here now? ĺÞrót pulled Glanni closer as he slept. The fae could feel the elf’s nose tickling the back of his head. Glanni knew he shouldn’t be here; he should be across town somewhere, playing cards or pawning some shit from his rainy day stash. Yet, he didn’t move. And part of him—a part he reluctantly admitted was growing—really didn’t want to. The hero’s arms felt nice. The stupid man’s body heat soaking into his back felt nice. Why did it feel so nice? He didn’t want it to feel nice.

Glanni felt ĺÞróttaálfurinn hum into the back of his neck. He stiffened, hearing the hero yawn. The fae held his breath, unsure what to do. He should have left by now. Now what could he do? ĺÞrót began moving behind him and Glanni didn’t like it. He didn’t want to know how to deal with the stupid elf after sex.

“You’re still here,” ĺÞrót whispered from just behind his ear.

Glanni felt the man’s arms squeeze him in a gentle hug, but he said nothing. He stared straight ahead, eyes fixated on his precious motel wall. It made no sense, but somehow a part of Glanni was convincing itself that if he stayed completely still, the hero might leave him alone. Everything he knew about the man predicted otherwise, but Glanni wasn’t sure what else to do.

“Is everything okay?”

Great. Now the stupid lug sounded worried. Good going, Glanni. Now he’s sure to keep pestering you instead of leaving! The criminal felt ĺÞróttaálfurinn’s arms pull away as the hero sat up in bed. Oh, here it comes.

“Glanni? Are you alright?”

The fae realized he had to do something. _Anything_. He couldn’t just lay there pretending to be comatose forever, no matter how much he wished he could. Glanni’s shoulders slowly rose, devouring his neck and jawline as they went. Say something. You have to say something. Anything, anything at all. Just get the stupid elf man off your back.

“You smell like a locker room and it’s disgusting.”

He could hear ĺÞrót chuckle behind him.

“I’m sorry, Glanni.”

There was a pause as a calloused hand slithered back around Glanni’s shoulder, causing him to once again turn rigid. He kept his eyes on his wall. The hero didn’t seem to notice his discomfort.

“You never seemed to mind any rancid smells before,” ĺÞróttaálfurinn teased. “Though I do appreciate the mints.”

Glanni suddenly felt hot. He had hoped that ĺÞrót wouldn’t notice those. Though the hero had yet to convince the fae that he should brush his teeth—much less that he should brush them regularly—Glanni had started to carry breath mints on his person from time to time. Truth be told, he only used them when a rendezvous with the overly healthy elf was imminent. He had hoped—apparently in vain—that ĺÞrót wouldn’t notice. So much for that.

“I—I need them to cover up the nasty taste of gross, sweaty elf!” Glanni retorted, internally wincing at the crack in his voice.

“You didn’t seem to mind the taste a few hours ago,” the elf whispered in his ear.

Glanni’s eyebrows shot up. _Hours?_ He had been here for _hours_? The criminal bolted upright, his eyes darting around in search of a clock. Hours…th-that couldn’t be right! He spotted the sorry excuse for a room clock nearby. Though some of the lights of the old digital clock were faded, the time was clear. Yes, he had been here for at least four, nearly five, hours now. How could you let this happen? Goddamnit, he’d fallen asleep at some point, hadn’t he? Fuck.

“Glanni?”

The man made the mistake of turning at the sound of his name. ĺÞróttaálfurinn was staring at him with large, concerned, _gorgeous_ blue eyes. Glanni hated when the jumpity elf man looked at him like that with those stupid elf man eyes. It wasn’t fair; ĺÞrót _had_ to know he was playing dirty when he gave Glanni that look. And ĺÞrót _always_ gave him that look whenever Glanni left him.

“What’s wrong?”

He watched the hero’s lips move, but it took the criminal a minute to register ĺÞrót’s words. Glanni sharply shook his head and flung the blankets aside.

“I need to go,” he mumbled quickly.

Glanni pulled his arm out of ĺÞrót’s range as quickly as possible, trying to ignore the elf’s hand as it fell back to the bed alone. He rounded the bed, scouring the ground for his things. The hero sat up to watch, but made no move to stop him.

“What is it?” ĺÞróttaálfurinn asked as he watched the tall man try to fumble himself into his cat suit. “Glanni, talk to me. I…I thought that you…that we…”

What had the dumb lug meant to say? The sheer pull of that much curiosity made Glanni look back. And he immediately wished that he hadn’t. ĺÞrót looked absolutely heartbroken. And the criminal hadn’t been prepared for it. He tried to look away again. So long as ĺÞrót kept his mouth shut, Glanni could just finish getting dressed and get the hell out of here.

“Did I say something wrong?”

Oh, that did it. Glanni grabbed for the sleeve of his cat suit, but could only watch as it slipped from his fumbling grasp. His clothes clung sadly in a sagging knot around his hips as he stood there like a miserable statue. Why did he feel like this? Like he should, _couldn’t_ , leave until the annoying hero stopped being so damn…depressed.

Glanni let out a heavy sigh. “No,” he mumbled.

“Then what is it?”

The fae reluctantly looked back up at the downtrodden hero. ĺÞrót had moved to sit on the edge of the bed sometime when his back was turned.

“I shouldn’t have stayed,” Glanni heard himself reply.

“Why?”

He wasn’t sure how to put it into words. Glanni settled on “It’s…not what I do.”

“I see…” The hero swallowed before continuing. “Can you make an exception?” he asked with an obnoxious amount of hope in his eyes.

“I…I already did,” Glanni said quickly as he pushed his arm through his sleeve. “I’ll see you later, ĺÞróttaálfurinn.”

He zipped up and grabbed for his boots laying nearby.

“Alright, Glanni,” the elf’s soft voice replied, a hint of sadness tying the words together. “Stay safe.”

“Whatever,” he spat back a little too quickly.

Glanni hurried out the door, catching one last glimpse of the elf still watching him from the motel bed. He did his best to purge the sad expression from his memory. It didn’t work.


	2. Alley

So that was it, then.

Glanni was, once again, gone. And ĺÞrót had let himself believe the man was going to stay this time. Why he thought that this time would be somehow different, he didn’t know, but…it hurt just the same. Glanni hadn’t bolted immediately after finishing. The man hadn’t even left after ĺÞrót’s insistence on cuddling, holding…kissing. And, against all odds, he had woken up with Glanni still there with him. _Still there_. And then, ĺÞróttaálfurinn had opened his stupid mouth and Glanni was gone.

He tried to replay their brief conversation in his head. What had ĺÞrót said? He had made a stupid joke about sex of all things, something Glanni did all the time. And then the beautiful felon had jumped to his feet and abandoned him. ĺÞrót didn’t understand what he had done wrong. He just knew he had screwed up _somehow_. Like always.

The elf sighed and forced himself to his feet. He left the bed for the bathroom. ĺÞrót stood in the shower and stared at the drain below until the water warmed up enough that he figured he should probably continue with the usual ritual of washing. Even here, Glanni intruded upon his thoughts. Before today, if Glanni had stayed after sex he only ever did so long enough to join ĺÞróttaálfurinn where he now stood. After their epilogue of intimacy, _then_ the man would dress and run. ĺÞrót loved when he had that extra time with the gangster. For a moment it almost felt like he and Glanni would just dry off and go back to bed…stay that way…but that never happened. ĺÞrót knew he was a fool for hoping it would happen, but that didn’t stop his heart from trying anyway.

Finished, the elf got dressed and paid for his room. The clerk gave him a worried look, and ĺÞrót wondered just how awful he his appearance was. He headed back to his balloon parked not far away. While there were a few handstands and cartwheels along the way to stretch out his muscles, his heart just wasn’t in it today.

The hero climbed up the tree beside his balloon with ease, then did likewise with the ladder handing from the basket. Everything was as he had left it. Empty bed, bare kitchenette, vacant basin to serve as a bathtub. The only thing in his home that looked used in any way was the short two-tier bookshelf off in the corner. Usually he didn’t mind the emptiness; ĺÞrót didn’t exactly have the space for clutter. It had taken his brother years just to convince ĺÞrót that he needed to get a basket large enough to _house_ any of the things he now owned.  And he had room to move now, if nothing else. The elf decided he may as well take advantage of that space and dropped to the floor to do some push-ups.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn had hoped that exercise would get his mind back on track, but he just kept thinking about Glanni. He had no idea why he cared for the man so much. Their first encounter with one another had been…absolutely horrible. But subsequent run-ins had started to change the hero’s mind about the mysterious criminal. For one thing, with as little as Glanni seemed to have, the man somehow always found a way to look gorgeous, at least in ĺÞrót’s eyes.

While a criminal, he never really done any long-term damage…he make folk temporarily sick, perhaps, maybe even cause an accidental injury, but the damage was never long-lasting. ĺÞróttaálfurinn had faced other bad men and women over the course of his training who were ruthless, completely uncaring. But Glanni felt different. It was hard for the hero to put Glanni’s motives into words, probably because it was so hard to wholly understand them in the first place.

ĺÞrót remembered the first time he had begun to wonder about how the tall man’s brain really operated. His crystal had gone off, filling his mind’s eye with the image of a child being pushed and bullied. He had raced to the scene, of course, but was surprised when his crystal fell silent just as he approached. From where he stood, he had seen Glanni standing between the children and in the middle of a stern warning.

“—and if you ever mess with my friend again, it’ll be _me_ who’ll plague _your_ nightmares. You got it, you little shit?”

The bully had nodded in terror.

“Then _scram!_ ”

The older child had taken off like a bullet and Glanni looked back at the girl with an equally stern look.

“You okay?”

The girl had nodded.

“Good. Don’t let that sorry ass bully you again, okay? But don’t go flaunting my name around to get your way or I’ll hear about it. You heard what I said to shitbag, right?”

The girl nodded solemnly.

“Good. You live around here?”

She nodded and pointed down the street.

“Well, come on, then. Short legs are a pussy excuse for not keeping up,” he had said as he started off in the direction the child had pointed. “By the way, I hear you repeat any of the language I’m using and I’ll…I dunno, kick your dog or something,” ĺÞrót had heard him say as the man accompanied the child home.

The hero still couldn’t fully make sense of the encounter, and he didn’t like the language Glanni had used around the children involved, but he knew that it meant Glanni wasn’t a simple cut-and-dry villain who was rotten down to his core. No, there was something more to the criminal that piqued ĺÞrót’s curiosity. The man was an enigma, and ĺÞrót soon found himself enthralled by him.

The elf tired of his push-ups and instead turned to simple stretches as he continued to ruminate.

As time went on, ĺÞróttaálfurinn had—at first, to his horror—begun to realize that he admired Glanni in a way. The tall, lanky man was usually at the root of some awful goings-on or the main player in a fair amount of money exchanging unsavory hands, but…he seemed to attempt just about everything possible for his line of work in some way. His cons ranged from adorable to dastardly and Glanni seemed to revel in it all. If one plan didn’t work, he simply seemed to shrug it off and move onto the next one. Brought to jail? He would either escape or find a way to weasel himself out of the system time and time again. It was remarkable in a way, and ĺÞrót was, admittedly, impressed by the criminal’s attitude.

After a while, ĺÞróttaálfurinn felt more than impressed by Glanni’s resiliency and surprising moments of goodness. He began to feel…jealous. Glanni, to him, embodied the very spirit of freedom. The man did what he wanted, when he wanted, damn the consequences. Glanni could go to jail, of course, yet it never seemed to last long. Then, off he went again, completely unbound by the system that was supposed to keep people like him in check. ĺÞróttaálfurinn meanwhile, was a numbered hero-in-training. The rules were his life. Discipline was the glue that held everything together. He envied Glanni’s ability to fail spectacularly and still keep his reputation, his ability to adapt to any environment and find a niche that fit him like a glove. ĺÞrót wanted that. He wanted to feel that level of freedom in his life.

That jealousy mingled with the hero’s admiration to create an entirely new emotional mess for ĺÞrót to navigate. He began to look forward to crossing paths with Glanni Glæpur. His heart would sometimes skip a beat when he encountered the criminal. Glanni would tease him about something and ĺÞrót would genuinely smile like the other man had given him a compliment. It made no sense, the hero knew this, but he couldn’t seem to help it. He loved having updates on what Glanni was up to, even if it was through police reports in the newspaper headline of the day. Glanni was a rare wild animal and any glimpse of him in all his majesty was welcome. ĺÞróttaálfurinn had never felt this way about anyone before; even now it frightened him on some level.

ĺÞrót sighed and rose to his feet. He cartwheeled over to his small kitchenette and took out a pear from his little food cubby. He flipped backward to land in his bed and took a bite, savoring the cool, light taste.

He remembered the first time Glanni had kissed him. It had been a dream come true. It had tasted incredibly fowl, to be sure, but in the moment ĺÞrót hadn’t cared an ounce. Thankfully the beautiful man had taken to using breath mints at some point after that. ĺÞrót still didn’t fully understand what had triggered that first kiss. Part of him hoped more than anything that Glanni had been admiring ĺÞrót from afar as much as he had been admiring Glanni. All he knew for certain was that the man had kissed him…and the elf had made a snap decision not to let a one-time opportunity like that pass him by.

The rest of the encounter was a beautiful mosaic of emotional bliss and physical pleasure. Glanni had spoken to him throughout, though ĺÞrót couldn’t remember most of the details of what he said now. He remembered pulling Glanni close; the criminal had tried to pull away only briefly, perhaps not immediately realizing that ĺÞróttaálfurinn was embracing rather than entrapping him. ĺÞrót had quickly grown frustrated when his kisses down Glanni’s neck were inhibited by the man’s signature cat suit. Glanni had noticed the elf’s irritated growls and begun undressing immediately. The hero had quickly fumbled with his belt, and he was absolutely thrilled when Glanni jumped in to help him.

In the end, ĺÞrót was still left fully clothed from the waist up. Glanni, meanwhile…oh, he was gorgeous. White as snow and all limbs. He trembled now just thinking about it. Glanni’s eyes on him, fierce and commanding. His lips whispering things to ĺÞrót so filthy the elf wondered if he would ever be clean again. The criminal had pushed his legs apart, grabbed his waist. The hero had grabbed at Glanni’s chest in a desperate attempt to bring the man somehow even closer than he already was. ĺÞrót vaguely remembered crying out in pain as they fell into the piles of alleyway trash and he felt Glanni push against his inexperienced opening. And then, much to ĺÞróttaálfurinn’s surprise, Glanni had been gentle.

“Are you a—?” he remembered Glanni asking.

ĺÞrót had known immediately to what the felon was referring, and only nodded. The look of astonishment on the criminal’s face was burned into the elf’s memory; even now he wasn’t sure how to interpret what must have passed through Glanni’s mind in that moment. Glanni had taken his time after that. Carefully stretching ĺÞrót with the utmost care and whispering such filthy, wonderful things while he did it. The man was so thorough that ĺÞrót didn’t immediately notice when Glanni’s fingers were replaced by something of greater girth. He had yelled, moaned, gasped in a mixture of pleasure and pain. ĺÞrót had heard a lot about sex over the years, but he hadn’t known that being with Glanni would feel as wonderful as it did.

Things began to blur for ĺÞrót after that, his dominating partner growing rougher with him the closer Glanni came to climax. It hurt. It hurt, but...not in such a way that made the elf want to stop. His mind had felt so fuzzy then, unable to decide if the pain really _was_ pain. All he knew in the moment was that he liked it. Loved it. _Needed_ it. ĺÞrót had shouted in euphoric surprise when Glanni bit his neck as he came inside the hero. The bite had been unexpected, to say the least, but even that just added to the utopia the pair had temporarily made for themselves. It felt like he was being claimed, branded by the crazy man who had—against all odds—accepted his sudden advances. The hero came on the spot.

It had been a wonderful day. Even after Glanni had left him lying there in the alley surrounded by trash and bodily fluids, ĺÞróttaálfurinn swore he would experience Glanni Glæpur again. And he did. Again and again for the last few months. Every time was a dream. Every time the pair grew bolder with one another, more familiar, more trusting, and yet…somehow nothing had really changed since that first encounter.

Maybe he and the strange, beautiful man would never be able to be what ĺÞrót wanted. The nature of their roles in society were certainly against them…but they had gotten this far. However far _this_ really was. If their past schedules were any indication, maybe he would get to see Glanni again in another week or two. Maybe this time he wouldn’t run so quickly.

Glanni had run from him again, but ĺÞróttaálfurinn held onto his hope that maybe one day, if his heart stayed strong enough, the man would stay. He took another bite of his pear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't write porn.  
> I tried.  
> Maybe next time it'll be better.


	3. Care

Glanni was climbing the walls. Robbie had failed what should have been an easy test for him in school, and the two had gotten into quite the argument about it that ended with Robbie throwing his textbook at Glanni’s head before stomping off to the bathroom and barricading himself inside. Holy hell Glanni was a terrible parent. He knew he was. He didn’t need another reminder about how he was letting his little Cupcake down constantly. Robbie deserved better. The poor Pudding Cup at _least_ deserved a father—a _real_ father, not some shitty second-rate cousin—who didn’t try to drown his sorrows in mead, vodka, and sex every time something went wrong in his train wreck of a life. Unfortunately, that was exactly what Glanni was doing in another pitiful attempt to escape his own shortcomings.

It was going about as well as expected.

The man had just been tossed out of his third bar of the evening and decided that he didn’t need to be around such a stuck-up crowd of idiots anyway. And he made sure that the entire city block had heard his declaration about it. Glanni didn’t need _them_. They were fucking losers, even worse than himself, and who needed that? No. No, he needed a _specific_ stuck-up idiot. With ĺÞrót nowhere in sight, Glanni needed to come up with a plan to find the stupid elf. Luckily, Glanni was the master of strategic planning.

“Where are you, you stupid flippy apple-loving fuckwad?” Glanni demanded loudly as he kicked over his fifth or sixth trash can.

His plan to make such a ruckus that ĺÞróttaálfurinn had no choice but to intervene was going perfectly.

“Come clean up my goddamn mess, ĺÞrót! Where are you?” the fae screamed as he swayed like a drunken tree in the evening breeze.

“Hey, calm down! You’re scaring people, mister,” a man called from across the street. “Go home, man.”

Glanni glared at the stranger. “You don’t tell me what to do, asshole!” he slurred. “You’re a _nobody_!”

The stranger sighed. “Look, don’t make me call the cops. Just go home before you hurt yourself, okay?”

The fae narrowed his eyes, staring down the man as he swayed on his feet. “Well fuck you, too!” was the best comeback Glanni could think of at the moment. A better insult was too good for the jerk anyway. Glanni wandered over to the next garbage can with a look of absolute defiance on his face. He locked eyes with the man across the way and kicked the canister over with gusto. That would show him.

The stranger sighed and took out his phone. Glanni stuck his tongue out and kicked the can again, causing trash to spill everywhere. He was vaguely aware that his toes were starting to hurt.

“Stop playing hide-and-seek, you dumbass mustardy man!” the fae shrieked in frustration.

Where _was_ that bouncing buffoon? Glanni continued down the street to the next set of garbage cans. He didn’t notice the police car, nor the officer who emerged from it, until she placed a hand gently on his arm. Glanni yelped and pulled away so quickly that he nearly lost his balance altogether.

“I asked if you were alright, sir,” she said slowly.

Glanni stared at the woman as he processed her words and did his best to focus his eyes on her face. Slowly, he frowned.

“Where is he? _He’s_ supposed to get here first, not you!” Glanni complained loudly.

“Who is supposed to be here, sir?” the office asked calmly.

Glanni was nearly shaking with rage now. “The stupid flippy fucker, that’s who!” he yelled, arms flailing around his head like helicopter propellers as he spoke. “He’s supposed to come _first_! It’s his motherfucking _job_!”

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down. Who exactly are you looking for? Maybe I can help you find them.”

Glanni glared at her. “Don’t patronize me! Do you know who I am?” he demanded before grabbing hold of a nearby lamppost to keep from falling over his own two feet. “ _I_ am Glanni goddamn Glæpur! So have some _respect_!”

The woman froze only for a second before leaning into the her radio on her shoulder and mumbled something that Glanni couldn’t quite make out. Who cared? Stupid bitch wasn’t worth the energy anyway. He had work to do. Glanni held tight to the kindly sturdy pole and kicked some stray trash further into the street.

“Mister Glæpur,” the woman said, all kindness suddenly gone from her tone. “I’m going to have to ask you to get on the ground.”

“Fuck no, it’s filthy!” He spotted movement from the policewoman’s direction and instinctively winced. “Don’t you dare touch me!” he snapped at the officer.

Oh. Wait. Her hands weren’t reaching for him. They were reaching for the holster by her side. Oh…well, then. Tickle him shitless.

“What is _wrong_ with everyone today?” Glanni whined.

He backed away from the obviously crazy woman. As he let go of the lamppost, however, Glanni’s head quickly began to spin and the criminal soon found himself sitting on his ass on the slick pavement. Well, that didn’t end very well, did it? After only a short glance at the police officer standing over him, Glanni threw his hands in the air and hung his head in defeat. This was it. He didn’t know how, but they’d finally managed to find him. ĺÞrót hadn’t come to save him. Glanni had let his little Robbie down and he was officially a fucking failure. The criminal sniffled sadly. He wanted to go home. Problem was, he didn’t really have one.

“It’s alright, Sóley. I’ll take care of him.”

Wait. He knew that voice. Glanni looked up and burst into a giant, lopsided smile.

“ĺtrapáturpinn!” he cheered excitedly. “I was looking for you, you dumb fuck. Where were you?”

The hero looked somewhere between exhausted and horrified, but Glanni didn’t seem to notice. ĺÞrót shook his head, one hand resting on his cap as he watched the sorry display of drunkenness sprawled out before him. He let out a long breath as Glanni laughed like a gleeful idiot.

“Are you sure?” the police officer asked behind him.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn turned to her and nodded. “I’ll take care of him. You won’t have to worry about anything; I’ll contact Obtuse in the morning. Let him know I’ll be calling.”

The woman gave a hesitant, but trusting nod before leaning into her radio again. ĺÞrót, meanwhile, was trying to help poor Glanni to his feet. He was mostly successful in that endeavor, but getting the poor man to walk properly was proving to be a bit more difficult. In order to avoid any more stumbling, the hero decided it was probably best just to carry the inebriated felon. Glanni squealed when his feet were suddenly left the ground, but the man didn’t seem to be bothered about the change for long.

“Look at _you_ taking charge!” Glanni teased, wrapping his arms around ĺÞrót’s neck as they went. “You must want it _bad_ , ha!”

The hero sighed. “Glanni, what were you doing back there?”

The fae rolled his eyes and blew a sloppy raspberry of indignation. “Kicking over every damn garbage can in this stupid city until I found you! What _took_ you so long, you jumpy-pumpy asshole?”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn blinked in surprise. “You were looking for me?” he asked curiously.

Glanni made a bubbly, spit-filled noise as he waved one hand dismissively in ĺÞrót’s face. “Of course I was, you giant prancy sunflower!”

The elf rolled his eyes.

“So where are we going? Somewhere fun, I hope.”

“Why were you looking for me?”

Glanni almost answered. He tried, he really did, but a nice tide of nausea decided to hit the man all at once and he suddenly didn’t want to try and open his mouth in fear of the consequences. He buried his face in the hero’s leather vest and closed his eyes. The armor wasn’t as comfortable as ĺÞrót’s real chest. His hard, yet so-nice-and-warm chest with those little springs of so-blond-they’re-almost-invisible chest hair that Glanni loves to stroke until ĺÞrót laughed from the tickling. Ugh. Even the damn hero’s sexy chest wasn’t able to distract Glanni from his suddenly churning stomach.

“Bad,” Glanni tried to mumble into ĺÞróttaálfurinn’s armor. “Wanted…your…oh gods,” he choked, not wanting to try and explain himself through the sickness. It might make him vomit, and he really didn’t want to go on that ride right now. ĺÞrót probably didn’t either.

ĺÞrót tried to hush the criminal, humming softly to try and distract him. He shifted Glanni in his arms and tugged on a rope dangling by his side. He stepped on its end and pulled again. The balloon above drifted slowly downward with each tug.

After some time of comfortably teetering on the edge of asleep and awake, Glanni felt himself being lowered onto something soft. He whined in protest, his stomach _almost_ having settled before being flipped all over the place again. He opened a reluctant eye to look up at the elf towering over him.

“Are we there?” Glanni asked in a small voice.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn let out a soft chuckle. “We’re here,” he confirmed. “I’ll…get you a bucket.”

That was probably a good idea. Glanni agreed whole-heartedly with the sentiment. He curled into a ball and closed his eyes as the hero went to fetch something to catch…anything that might soon appear. He tried to breathe slowly and deeply, focus on something else _besides_ the awful sludge in his gut that wanted to come up and see the world. Glanni took in another breath. They were still outside—he could tell by the crisp breeze—but it was at least comfortable weather. The bed he was on was soft and the pillows were the exact consistency that he loved. The best part of it all was that the entire setup smelled of ĺÞrót. That was calming. Even his stomach was partially placated by it all.

There was a disturbance at the edge of the bed as the hero sat down, and Glanni felt his hands being guided to the rim of something metal. Oh good, ĺÞrót had found the bucket. It would be good to have just in case…in case…oh God. Glanni  gripped his precious bucket tightly as his stomach abruptly decided that it would prefer to be empty now. Out came his activities of the night, much to the disgust of all present. He wretched for a few minutes and waited for his insides to calm themselves after all they had just done. ĺÞrót took the tin of sick away once Glanni mumbled about being better and the criminal resigned himself to laying back in the sweet-smelling bed to get the foul odors of revisited alcohol out of his mind. The elf returned a minute later.

Glanni grinned up at ĺÞrót as he watched the man sit once again beside him. He heard the clank of the bucket being set on the floor of the basket nearby, just in case Glanni’s stomach decided it wasn’t done with him yet.

“ _Hæ_ ,” the drunken man giggled as he reached for the hero’s arm. Glanni sighed. “ _Þú ert falleg_.” He laughed. “ _Þú heimskur álfur_.”

The hero’s eyes widened slightly at the man’s words, but ĺÞrót kept his lips tightly pressed. Glanni didn’t seem to notice the redness creeping into his companion’s cheeks.

“Can we fuck now?”

ĺÞrót blinked and shook his head. “I…what?”

“Can we fuck now?” Glanni repeated while he tugged lightly at the elf’s wrist. “I was looking all over for you all night so we could have some fun.” Glanni whined when his pawing didn’t immediately yield the reaction he wanted. “I need a good shag right now and you’re the best one!”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn’s expression was unreadable. His mouth looked upset. His eyebrows looked intrigued. His trembling chin looked frightened. His eyes were…oh, those little blue gems just looked gorgeous. Glanni sighed, tired of waiting for the stupid man’s dumb face to make up its fucking mind about fucking.

“Come _on_ , you idiot, let’s get to it already!”

That seemed to bring ĺÞrót back to the conversation. He shook his head slowly. “N-no, Glanni.”

The fae narrowed his eyes at the hero. “ _What?_ ”

“Glanni, you’re drunk.”

“And horny! So…off with the stupid armor thing already! I’ve got a serious itch that needs scratching!”

He reached for the man’s vest again, but the hero caught his hands and kept them still.

“No, Glanni. I...” ĺÞrót sighed. “We can’t.”

The fae’s frustration melted into anger, then fear. “We…why not? Goddamnit, you found someone _better_ , didn’t you? Screw fucking stupidass Glæpur! He sleeps in the trash and smells like rotting shrimp! Who would want to fuck _that_?” he yelled, causing his own head to ache from the volume he was using. “Who’d want to sleep with the ugly little shit who—”

“No, no, no. Glanni, stop!” ĺÞrót cried desperately while moving his strong, gentle hands to take the man’s shoulders. “No, that…that’s not it at all.”

“Then _why_ not?” Glanni demanded angrily, unsure if his slightly blurred vision was from the booze or the extra moisture in his eyes. “What the hell’s wrong with me, you stuck-up little shitbag?”

ĺÞrót sighed. “You’re _drunk_ , Glanni. It wouldn’t be right.” Seeing the criminal’s deep frown, he brushed a gentle hand through Glanni’s hair and offered him a friendly smile. “Once you sober up, then we’ll talk. Deal?”

Glanni eyed the hero, but considered the offer.

“Deal,” he replied after a while. “And I’m not about to forget, either. You’d better pay up.”

The elf laughed. “I swear on my crystal!”

Glanni rolled his eyes, but was soon holding his head from the sensation it caused. That had not been a good idea.

“Your crystal is a piece of bleepy sparkly shit and I hate it,” he grumbled.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn just shook his head and kept smiling. “So…why were you _really_ looking for me tonight, Glanni?” he asked quietly.

There was a moment of silence.

“Needed a fuck.”

“ _Needed_ or wanted?” the hero continued gently.

Another pause.

“Needed.”

“Is there a reason?”

The fae couldn’t bring himself to look ĺÞróttaálfurinn in the eyes. “Yes.”

“May I ask what it is?”

Glanni swallowed. “It’s personal,” he mumbled as he tried to fight back the tears already trying to blur his vision.

ĺÞrót swallowed, looking on in concern. He had never seen this side of Glanni before. Glanni didn’t cry; he got angry. He swore, he taunted, he ran, but he never…cried. It was worrying and the hero wanted to help. Though he doubted he would be able to. He was amazed that Glanni had allowed the conversation to go even _this_ far. It was probably the alcohol…though the elf hoped that it was because of something else.

“Would you like to talk about it?” ĺÞrót ventured hopefully.

Glanni sniffled. He was quiet for a few seconds before whispering “I can’t be a real parent.”

That had not been a phrase ĺÞróttaálfurinn had expected to hear. “I…what?” was all that he could manage for a minute.

Glanni covered his eyes. “I’m not good enough to be a dad! I’m too… _me_! I’m awful!”

ĺÞrót wasn’t sure how to handle this. He was suddenly in very unfamiliar territory. He didn’t understand Glanni’s train of thought or why he was going on about fatherhood, but…he had to try to help the poor man somehow.

“You’re not awful,” he assured the whimpering fae. “Wh-what brought this on?” ĺÞrót wondered if Glanni had gotten a woman pregnant.

The drunken criminal whined. “What decent parent would go get shitfaced like this?” he spat in disgust. “I can’t just deal with my fucking problems like an adult, _no_! I have to go curl up in the bottom of a bottle or some girl’s taint like the f-fucking failure that I am!” He looked up at the elf beside him. “Am I a lost cause, ĺÞrót?”

“No, Glanni,” ĺÞrót replied without hesitation. “If you were, I wouldn’t be here.”

Glanni blew a raspberry at him and looked away. “Of course you’d say that. You have to. You’re a hero.”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn shook his head. “I’m not saying that as a hero, Glanni. I’m saying it as…” He hunted for the right word. He knew the one he _wanted_ to use, but decided it might be best to settle on using “a friend.”

“I don’t have any friends,” the drunken man grumbled.

“Well you do now,” the elf said quietly as he carefully took up Glanni’s hand.

The fae didn’t say anything, though he did give ĺÞrót’s hand a gentle squeeze. ĺÞróttaálfurinn smiled. The two sat together like that for a little while. It felt longer for Glanni than ĺÞrót, if only because his head was still spinning a bit. The felon gave the occasional sniffle and squeezed the other man’s hand. The hero hoped that he was helping with whatever Glanni might be wrestling with in his head.

“Are we in your balloony basket?” Glanni asked to finally break the silence.

ĺÞrót nodded. “We are.”

“Oh. I guess that explains the smell.”

ĺÞrót rolled his eyes, though Glanni didn’t notice the elf’s visual commentary.

“Why are we here?”

“Because I needed somewhere safe where you could calm down and start to sober up. I couldn’t leave you on the street like that.”

Glanni looked perplexed by that answer. His confusion, though, was quickly replaced by disgust when ĺÞrót offered him a bottle of water he had apparently been keeping nearby.

“What’s that?”

“It’s water.”

“I know that. I mean why is it in my face?”

“It will help,” ĺÞrót insisted.

Glanni gave him a look.

“It will lessen your hangover later if you keep hydrated. You need to drink water, Glanni.”

“I’m not drinking that.”

The elf sighed and placed the bottle by the man’s side anyway. Just in case he had a change of heart. Glanni gave it a dirty look, then made a point to ignore the offensive liquid altogether. ĺÞrót sighed, but decided not to push the matter further. If he knew Glanni, badgering the man to drink would just make him all the more adamant about _not_ drinking anything. The light breeze began to pick up and the hero didn’t miss how Glanni began to shiver.  ĺÞróttaálfurinn got up and fished around under the bed for the small basket he kept there. Glanni gave him a confused look, but otherwise occupied himself by trying once more to curl himself into a ball.

“Here we are,” ĺÞrót said as he pulled out one of his extra blankets.

He opened the blanket and draped it over the helpless criminal. He began to gently pat down the blanket edges to make sure that it wouldn’t accidentally blow off of the man should the wind pick up sometime in the night.

“…What are you doing?” Glanni whined quietly as he tried to focus his eyes on the slightly blurred hero.

“I’m tucking you in. You’re cold and you look exhausted. It’s very late.”

Glanni stared at him. “Why?”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn gave into the impulse that had been hanging at the back of his mind for a while and ran his hand through Glanni’s hair before cradling the back of the criminal’s head. Glanni definitely needed a shower, but greasy hair was the least of their worries tonight. The fae gave him a curious look, but ĺÞrót just smiled.

“Because I don’t want you freezing to death on me,” he said simply.

Glanni swallowed. ĺÞrót withdrew his hand and the fae bit his lip in a half-baked attempt to ward off the longing that surfaced in place of that tender, calloused hand. Glanni heard a soft whiningnoise that sounded an awful lot like his own voice. Weird.

“Just stay on your side, alright?” ĺÞrót asked him as he continued to make sure Glanni was tucked in and warm. “I’ll be right here if you need anything.”

Glanni didn’t understand. Nothing about this stupid evening made any goddamn sense. ĺÞróttaálfurinn had clearly lost his mind or something. Why else would the dipshit hero be doing all of this? Literally taking him home, letting Glanni have his bed, _tucking him in_ …and doing it all without so much as letting Glanni stick his dick in him. It didn’t make any sense. The fae sniffled and pulled ĺÞrót’s blanket tighter around his shoulders.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn looked up and was surprised to see Glanni again on the verge of tears. “Glanni?”

“Wh-why do you care?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Why do you give a damn if I’m _warm_ or not? Wh-why are you doing all this?”

ĺÞrót ran his hand through the man’s hair again, gently scratching Glanni’s scalp in an attempt to soothe the poor criminal. Glanni watched ĺÞrót quietly, aside from giving another small sniffle.

“Because…I care about you, Glanni,” ĺÞrót answered. “I want to make sure you’re alright. I’m going to take care of you.”

Glanni stared up at ĺÞrót for a long, quiet second before he suddenly let out a sob. The hero immediately jumped into action, rubbing gentle circles at the base of Glanni’s neck and trying to calm him down with soft and repeated utterances of _shh_. Glanni kept crying.

“N-no one…”

“It’s okay, Glanni,” ĺÞrót whispered as Glanni struggled to speak through his sobs. “Just rest.”

“No!” the fae protested. “ĺÞrót…I…” Glanni did his best to keep his voice even, though tears still continued to slip from his tired eyes. “No one…no one’s ever t-taken care of me b-before. Wh-why are…?”

“It’s alright, Glanni,” the hero repeated. “I’ll take care of you, so try not to worry. It’s alright. I promise it’s alright.”

ĺÞrót cradled the criminal’s cheek and gently wiped away a tear. Glanni sucked in a sharp breath before whimpering and leaning into the man’s palm. He closed his eyes.

“ _Ég vildi að við hittumst fyrr_ ,” Glanni mumbled.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn bit his lip, holding his breath and closing his eyes for a moment. “ _Ég óska þess líka_ ,” the hero whispered.

Glanni started to calm down, his body relaxing as his exhaustion began to catch up with him. He nuzzled into ĺÞrót’s soft pillow. “Sorry I threw up all over your stuff…”

The hero shook his head. “You didn’t, don’t worry, Glanni.”

Clearly the man wasn’t all there anymore. Maybe he should let Glanni try to sleep. He was more than certain that Glanni wasn’t exactly human, and he hoped that it might help the criminal recover from such an awful drinking binge better than an ordinary man. ĺÞrót had to believe that; the alternative that Glanni might be of a race that couldn’t handle alcohol at all was something he refused to entertain right now.

“ _Ég hef ekki sofið í rúminu í langan tíma._ ”

The elf smiled and continued petting Glanni’s hair as the beautiful, tragic man began to drift off to sleep. “ _Sofa vel, götu minn konungur_.”

Glanni made a soft humming sound in response, then yawned. “ _Leggðu niður, heimskur_.”

“ _Allt í lagi_.”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn carefully balanced himself on the edge of his small bed. He looked over at Glanni, who was finally settled and breathing steadily. He just needed to make sure nothing about that changed. The hero reached under his mattress and pulled out the novel had had been working on for the past few nights. The elf looked over at the man by his side again and smiled. As much as he loved his secret encounters with Glanni, just having the man sleeping next to him was nice. If only it had been under better circumstances. ĺÞrót settled down and opened his book to where he had left off. It was late, but he needed to keep himself awake for some time yet. Glanni needed him to keep vigil right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> derpadoodle I knew I forgot something when I posted this.  
> Hopefully they're not too butchered...blame Google Translate.  
> Might fix if needed once I start learning myself and if I'm motivated.  
> \----------------------------------------------------------
> 
> Hæ. Þú ert falleg. Þú heimskur álfur. -- Hi. You are beautiful. You stupid elf.  
> Ég vildi að við hittumst fyrr. -- I wish we met earlier.  
> Ég óska þess líka. -- I wish so too.  
> Ég hef ekki sofið í rúminu í langan tíma. -- I have not slept in bed for a long time.  
> Sofa vel, götu minn konungur. -- Sleep well, my street king.  
> Leggðu niður, heimskur. -- Lay down, stupid.  
> Allt í lagi. -- Okay.


	4. Juice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one turned out way shorter than expected (a rarity for a wordy mofo like me!), but I promise...the next chapter is gonna be...much longer.

To see him sleeping, no one would believe Glanni Glæpur was a dangerous criminal. The concerningly thin man was currently curled into a tight ball beside him with a death grip on _both_ of ĺÞrót’s pillows while he nuzzled and cooed into their soft cases. The hero watched his unlikely companion quietly, observing every feature on Glanni’s angular face and smiling at every soft squeak that escaped the felon’s pink lips. ĺÞrót wondered what the man was dreaming about. He hoped it was something nice. Glanni certainly seemed comfortable.

Quietly, slowly, ĺÞrót leaned back, positioning his hands carefully where his pillow _should_ have been if Glanni hadn’t commandeered it during the night. He edged his lower half into the air for a handstand. The hero gave Glanni another glance, making sure the man was still sound asleep as he towered beside him. Then, ĺÞrót slowly and deliberately swung himself away from the bed. His feet quietly set himself on the floor nearby and the elf completed his slow-motion flip out of bed. Success!—Glanni hadn’t been disturbed by his exit at all. Thank heavens.

Glanni taken care of, the elf returned to his regular morning warmup routine. Every few repetitions he gave the man a quick glance to make sure Glanni was alright. Nothing ever changed. Once late morning arrived, ĺÞrót decided that he should probably send Office Obtuse a letter like he had promised the night before. He _still_ wasn’t sure what to say to the man. At least, to make anything sound convincing. But, ĺÞróttaálfurinn  knew he he had to say _something_ so…winging it, it was.

> _Dear Officer Obtuse,_
> 
> _My apologies for not turning Glanni Glæpur over to you sooner—_

 

No.

 

> _Dear Officer Obtuse,_
> 
> _I am sure that Sóley has already informed you that last night I apprehended—_

 

No, that was an outright lie.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn sighed, setting down his pen to rub circles on his temples for a minute. He hated lying, especially to friends. Friends who trusted him…not just to tell the truth, but to keep their city safe. Oh, he was no good at this. He was an official hero now, damnit, not some youngling in training any longer. He shouldn’t be lying. He was terrible at it, anyway. ĺÞrót was sure that Glanni would be able to come up with a much better letter for this sort of situation than he could. Maybe he should try to think of what Glanni might write rather than what ĺÞrót would write. He picked up his pen and tried again.

> _Dear Officer Obtuse,_
> 
> _I have Glanni Glæpur in my custody. I apologize for not turning him in to your station last night, but there were a few things concerning Glanni that needed my attention first. This isn’t the only city in which he had caused mischief, I assure you. I hope to see you when I can. Please thank Sóley for handling things until I arrived._
> 
> _Keep yourself well,_
> 
> _ĺÞróttaálfurinn_

 

There. That should work. It wasn’t a _complete_ lie, but it certainly didn’t explain the situation in full, either. It was just…stretching the truth a little bit. ĺÞrót wasn’t sure if he should be happy or worried that Glanni would probably be proud of him if they were awake right now. The hero decided he would leave that conundrum for later. In the meantime, he neatly folded the yellow stationary into an expertly crafted airplane that soon sent the message on its way. The hero watched his letter of half-truths disappear into the distance and hoped that what he had written wouldn’t come back to bite him one day.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn looked over his shoulder at the man still sleeping in his bed. ĺÞróttaálfurinn still could not believe that, for the first time, Glanni had actively sought him out. The gangster had tried to find ĺÞrót—in full view of the public, no less—when he had been in emotional distress and needed help. Of all the options available, Glanni had come to _him_. The elf couldn’t help but feel touched. Though he could not ignore the coupling worry that sat in his chest alongside it. At least Glanni seemed to have made it through the night alright, though ĺÞrót knew the criminal wouldn’t be quite back to his normal self for a while more.  He wished Glanni hadn’t drunk so much last night.

He sighed as he quietly took a few items from his kitchenette and began to prepare himself a salad. He tried to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake his guest. The hero couldn’t help but recall the events of the previous evening, playing them again and again in his mind as he chopped his food. Glanni had spoken to him. In Icelandic. ĺÞrót hadn’t even _known_ that Glanni spoke Icelandic! He wrestled with the possibilities. It was a strange coincidence, to say the least. Was Glanni _from_ his home country? Had he somehow managed to learn Icelandic _for_ ĺÞrót after…somehow…finding out the elf’s first language? He highly doubted that scenario, but the hero had no idea _what_ to think.

And what Glanni had said. The criminal hadn’t _said_ it, not by a long shot. But ĺÞrót couldn’t help but wonder, couldn’t help but _feel_ that maybe, just maybe, Glanni…

“No, he doesn’t,” the elf whispered to himself, trying to squelch that train of thought before it tried to take root. ĺÞrót did smile, though, despite himself. “But he thinks I’m beautiful,” he let himself say.

The thought sent a shiver down his spine.

Glanni had called him beautiful. He had also called him stupid, sure, but the _way_ Glanni had said it. ĺÞrót couldn’t help but feel it was said out of endearment rather than to be an insult. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but the hero would allow himself to believe _that_ much, at least. ĺÞrót smiled to himself as he sat on the edge of his basket and ate.

Glanni finally stirred to life by late afternoon. He grumbled and pressed his face into one pillow while covering the back of his head with the other.

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” ĺÞróttaálfurinn said with a smile, glad to see the man conscious again.

Muffled words were spoken into ĺÞrót’s pillow, though he couldn’t make out what was said.

“If you are asking what time it is, it’s nearly four in the afternoon,” the hero said from where he was reading, the book on the floor in front of him and the elf in a hand-stand. “How are you feeling?”

ĺÞrót may not have been able to make out the words spoken deeply into his pillow, but he knew the distinct sound of a moan when he heard one.

“I told you to drink that water,” the elf chided the man.

Glanni grumbled something into the pillow again.

The hero set his feet back on the floor, closed his book, and hopped over to be by Glanni’s side. He sat down gently on the edge of the bed and tapped the scrawny man’s shoulder. Glanni pulled the blanket up to meet the edge of his protective pillow in response.

“Glanni,” ĺÞrót said softly, careful to keep his voice low. “Do you think you could drink something _now_?”

Another faraway groan.

“No food, just juice to keep you hydrated.” He swallowed. “I’ll add honey to it,” he offered. “It’s the closest thing to sweets that I have.”

Glanni sighed, judging by the moment of his shoulders. A pale hand slipped out from the sheets. It groped around until it found ĺÞrót’s knee then, after calculating where the rest of the elf was in relation to it, tilted his hand up toward the hero’s face and pulled back all but a middle finger. ĺÞróttaálfurinn just rolled his eyes.

“You were…rather upset last night,” the elf said as he gingerly took hold of Glanni’s hand in his own. “Are you alright now? I…I’ve been worried.”

Glanni didn’t move for a moment, but then he pulled his hand from ĺÞrót’s grip to signal a thumbs-up. ĺÞrót hoped the man wasn’t lying to him. The criminal pulled his hand away completely after that and sucked it back under the blanket. He was still for a minute before slowly rolling over on his side. Glanni lifted the top pillow ever so slightly and squinted up at ĺÞróttaálfurinn in utter misery.

“Did I do anything stupid last night?” the criminal asked hoarsely.

ĺÞrót chuckled softly. “You made a mess for the poor trash collectors, but that’s all.”

Glanni groaned as he continued to try and fight through the horribly painful throbbing that had taken up residence in his skull. “Did we fuck?”

“You were very upset when I turned down your proposition. I didn’t want to take advantage of you.”

Glanni stared at the hero in silence before muttering a barely audible “Oh yeah…thanks.” Then, a bit louder, “When I don’t feel like a train is trying to obliterate every last one of my brain cells you still owe me a screw.”

ĺÞrót snickered. “Alright, Glanni.”

“Not gonna let you forget about it.”

“I know.”

The elf and the criminal sat quietly for a moment, both considering what had transpired the night before. ĺÞrót was the one to speak again first.

“I…didn’t know you could speak Icelandic.”

Glanni’s eyes widened with immediate worry.

“ _What?_ ”

“Last night. You spoke in Icelandic.”

“Y-you recognized it?” Glanni asked nervously.

ĺÞrót nodded. “Yes. My family is _from_ Iceland.”

Glanni make a gurgling sound before he let the pillow fall back onto his face. ĺÞrót could hear a muffled “Oh God no,” come from the exhausted man.

Maybe the language _had_ been an amazing coincidence, then. The pillow lifted up again and, this time, Glanni somehow looked even more miserable than before.

“What in the nine fucking hells did I say?” the felon asked worriedly.

ĺÞrót tried to keep himself from laughing, at least too loudly. “Nothing too terrible, don’t worry.”

Glanni didn’t look like he believed him.

“How do you know Icelandic?”

Glanni gave a shrug and kept his eyes focused on the bedsheets. “My mother spoke it. Almost exclusively. I’m surprised I still remember any of it. I haven’t spoken it in…years. Though who the hell knows what the fuck I apparently say when I’m shitfaced,” he grumbled mostly to himself.

“It sounded very good to me,” ĺÞrót offered. “It was nice to hear it again.”

Glanni snorted as loudly as he dared. “Who knew we had our own secret code, then, huh?”

“Heh. I guess so.”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn wanted to ask Glanni so much right now. About what he had been talking about when he brought up not being able to be a father, about his apparently Icelandic mother, about…so much more than that. But, even if Glanni _had_ been a state of mind to answer his questions right now, he doubted the man actually _would_. Oh, but he had so many things he wanted to ask his sweet little felon. Maybe one day he would be able to.

ĺÞrót leaned over closer to Glanni and nosed the top pillow aside to land a soft kiss on the criminal’s forehead. Glanni sputtered a moment before curling in on himself with a very concerned look on his face. He closed his eyes to avoid looking at anything. Glanni groaned and pulled the pillow down over his exposed ear when a chirping squeal reached his ears.

“Oh God make it stop,” Glanni whined.

ĺÞrót grabbed the crystal in his hat to try and muffle the shrill sound.

“Sorry,” he said quietly. “Someone’s in trouble. I’ll be back, alright? You rest. When I come back, I’ll get you that juice.”

Glanni peeked out with one wide eye. He watched silently as the elf quickly let down his ladder and disappeared over the side of the basket.

“W-wait!”

ĺÞrót popped his head up over the rim again. Glanni grit his teeth as the crystal’s cries continued.

“Y-you really trust me al-alone up here?” he asked in disbelief. “With all your shit?”

The hero smiled warmly. He didn’t just trust Glanni with his things. He realized in that moment that, somehow, somewhere along the way, he trusted Glanni with his life. He was a criminal, sure. A conman, sure. But if nothing else, Glanni was good at keeping secrets, and ĺÞrót knew he was probably one of Glanni’s biggest. What they had was special.

“Get some rest, Glanni. I won’t be long; it’s nothing major. You take care of yourself.”

Glanni watched the daft elf disappear again and laid back down on the bed in a new haze.

By the time ĺÞróttaálfurinn returned home, the criminal was gone. As was his carton of juice.


	5. Bottom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God this monster took forever to write. It literally doubled the length of this fic. I did NOT mean for it to be so long.
> 
> I would apologize, but I get the feeling that this is the chapter folks have been waiting for so...whatever XD

What a week.

Glanni tossed the stray cat some of his shittastic sandwich and watched the poor animal pounce on it like it was the last bit of food on the planet. God his body was sore. Burglary jobs always _seemed_ like they would be a fast ticket to money. Instant gratification, no risk of a complex con going wrong. But man could the jobs be difficult. He was exhausted, sore, and barely had anything left to fence from it. What a fucking crock.

Glanni readjusted his beautifully scarlet coat and pulled the furred collar to better cover his chilled neck. The coat itself was one of the stolen items from his latest heist, a long gorgeous thing with fur fringe that nearly reached the man’s ankles, which he considered a feat within itself given how tall he was compared to its rightful owner. He tossed the remainder of his sandwich to the round-eyed cat, picked up a ratty old backpack and the wide-brimmed hat he had also swiped earlier that afternoon, and headed back out to the street to see what interesting goings on he could find before heading home for the night. Maybe he’d be able to find some sort of heater along the way. That would certainly be nice. His little rats nest was probably going to be rather chilly tonight.

“Stay warm, fuzzball,” he called to the cat as he left.

He walked down the street, the thick heels of his boots clicking on the near-freezing pavement. The crowds were thinning out, everyone heading home for supper. It was colder than Glanni had expected; maybe that cold front they were talking about decided to arrive early. Lovely. He’d really wanted to hang onto his meager earnings for at least a few days, but it seemed he may be forced to forfeit the money early to make sure he didn’t freeze during the night.

Glanni made a sharp turn and headed down to his trusty pawn shop. He headed inside and asked for his business acquaintance. The clerk at the desk looked a little uneasy, but complied, disappearing into the back to fetch the man. She came back with the owner in tow only moments later.

“Hiya, G,” the squat man greeted warmly as he opened the gate in the counter.

“Lovely to see you again, Harry, _as usual_ ,” Glanni said with a charming flash of his front teeth and a flirtatious wink.

The shop owner rolled his head and shook his head in amusement as he stepped out of the way. “Come on back, man.”

The clerk watched as Glanni swanned past them and into the back rooms. He fell comfortably into his usual seat and dropped his backpack on the desk there.

“Your new girl seems jumpy,” he noted.

“Yeah,” the man grumbled as he sat down on the other side of the desk. “She’ll get used to it. So what’ve ya got for me?”

Glanni dumped the bag. A variety of broaches and jewelry spilled out, as well as a few small statues. The man raised an eyebrow before picking up the nearest item. He squinted at it with a troubled look on his face.

“Would’ve grabbed more, but the idiot came home early,” Glanni explained. “Asshole has a constant routine for weeks on end and _today_ he decides he wants to come home early. Workaholics aren’t as reliable as they used to be. It’s disgusting.”

The man cleared his throat. “Hate to break this to ya…but I can’t take it.”

Glanni’s carefree demeanor suddenly disappeared. He sat up with a deep frown. “What? Why _not_? This is good shit, Harry!”

The man shrugged. “I’m sorry, but you robbed the wrong guy, G! The police scanners wouldn’t shut up about this shit earlier. Cops are out there looking for this stuff.” He held up a statue. “They mentioned this one by _name_ , Glanni. _By name_.” He pointed to a few items strewn across his desk. “That was in the description. That one, too. Hell, they mentioned a missing _coat_ among other things. You’ve got some more clothes stashed from the job, don’t you?” he accused.

Glanni looked nervous.

“I’d take it if I could, G. I’m sorry.  You got this stuff, you gotta deal with it. I ain’t holdin’ this.”

“ _Sure_ you would, you cunt,” Glanni hissed as he started shoveling his wares back into his bag.

Harry just sighed and rolled his eyes. “ _Glanni_ , look, I’d take ‘em if I could. You always have good stuff. Just…not this time. Come back when you’ve got something that won’t get me arrested.”

“Peachy seeing you, too,” Glanni grumbled as he slung the bag back over his shoulder and storming out of the office.

He pushed past the still-nervous kid at the front counter and gave them a threatening growl just to unnerve them all the more. The girl shrunk back. Stupid idiot deserved it. They needed to toughen up if they were going to be in this business. After the nice middle finger like Harry had given him, Glanni probably shouldn’t even waste his time helping the asshole toughen up his lackeys.

Who needed stupid Harry and his pussy little _employees_ anyway? Glanni had worked hard to get this shit; he’d been casing that idiot’s house for _ages_ when he should have—no, no, _could have_ —been doing something else instead. He’d nearly gotten caught, for piss’ sake! He wasn’t going to just toss away what he had fought so hard to get in the first place. Fuck all of them. The man grumbled to himself as he stomped angrily down the street. He pulled the scarlet coat around him as tightly as he could and pulled the matching wide-brimmed hat down over his eyes. As hot as he could get when angry, it was barely making a dent in how cold he felt now that the weather was turning. Fuck that stupid workaholic richass dickwad, fuck Harry, fuck that girl at the counter, and _fuck winter_ , he decided.

Glanni halted, looking up. Instinctive itch be damned, he spotted a police car turning the corner up ahead. He was _not_ going to go to jail over this stupid sideways heist. No way was Harry going to have the last laugh today. The fae quickly glanced left, then right. Oh thank God. Glanni raced toward the narrow alleyway, barely big enough to walk through. He hauled himself over some old boxes near the entranceway and tumbled down the other side. He swallowed, panting as he peered around his cover. The vehicle passed by without incident. Idiots probably hadn’t even noticed him, but he wasn’t about to take the chance with just how shitty today had been going for him.

Speak of the devil.

Glanni sighed when he noticed the fluffy white specks starting to powder his knees where he sat. Now it was snowing. Lovely. He hauled himself to his feet and dusted himself off. He grabbed his bag and turned to climb back over his little box saviors when his foot hit a small patch of ice he _swore_ hadn’t been there before, and the criminal ended up right back on his ass with a yelp of surprise. This time with a splitting headache where his skull smacked into the pavement.

The man stayed there for a minute in relative silence. He stared up at the pale sky as more flurries twirled down toward him. Little icy fuckers. They try to look so pretty just to lure you in a false sense of security, and then they call all their buddies and bury you alive and let you to freeze to death. Why the hell did people _like_ snow, anyway?

“Might as well head home,” Glanni muttered to himself as he laid pitifully on the ground. “I’m calling it a day.”

With a great groan and a mighty backache, Glanni managed to get himself back up on his feet. Again. He hauled his sorry ass back over the small pile of old crates and started for home. Well, _a_ home. He moved a little too much to have a proper one. The bunker in LazyTown was Robbie’s; he had decided that the day they moved in. He was welcome, sure, but…it wasn’t his. That place belonged to his little Snickerdoodle and he didn’t want to intrude on the young man—good God when had Robbie become a _young man_?—and his life. Glanni never had a safe place of his own growing up and he wasn’t about to steal that luxury from his Gummy Bear any time soon.

He wandered through the maze of broken cars and port-o-potties that lined the junkyard near the city limits. He walked up to an old heap of wood and assorted junk and pushed aside a piece of sheet metal to get to the almost-hidden door behind it. He shut the door behind him and took a look at his sad little dwelling. Sleeping bag, some cans of food, a shit bucket in the corner. He was living the life.

“Goddamn it’s freezing,” Glanni hissed to no one as he walked over to the tiny portal heater in the corner.

The man turned it on, but…nothing happened. He kicked it. Nothing happened. Glanni knelt down and checked the small nest of wires that connected the heater to a car battery sitting on the ground nearby. Still nothing.

“Dead piece of garbage,” he grumbled before kicking the battery. “Ow, Jesus fuck!” he yelled, wondering why he had thought that was a good idea.

Well, this place wasn’t going to be much help, now was it?

“Lovely. I can either freeze to death in the gutter, or I can freeze to death in a shack. Life’s just a buffet of choices today!”

He kicked the heater over—as it was a much safer option to vent his frustrations—then left. He didn’t even bother recovering the door. If anyone else wanted to spend the night in that hellhole, they were more than welcome. Glanni trudged back through the streets without direction. He had nowhere to go and the stupid flurries had turned into real snow now. He hated winter so much. He hugged his useless crap coat closer in the hopes that it would help. Though he knew it wouldn’t.

The fae soon found himself staring from across the street at a motel office and its neat line of heated little rooms. He could see some stupid clerk milling about inside. Asshole probably didn’t even appreciate the heat they had. Glanni licked at his chapped lips. Maybe he could go in and distract them and steal one of the room keys when they weren’t looking. He could pretend to be an inspector of some kind, maybe say he worked for the mayor, someone of power who could waltz in and get a free room without question. Oh, but there _would_ be questions. And he was too cold to come up with a proper persona to pull off a con like that. Not that he had the resources anyway…stupid useless coat. Shitty little hat. Why had he been so happy to snag it in the first place?

“Is that you, Glanni?”

Oh shit, as if this day couldn’t possibly get any worse.

He turned around slowly, glaring at the stupid elf that came into his field of vision. The stupid mustard-colored idiot was standing there in his usual outfit, not even bothered by the cold. Glanni hated him for it. On principle. It was like he was _flaunting_ how stupidly superior he was on purpose, the sexy asshole. The fae glared at the elf and shivered. ĺÞrót stood there quietly for a moment, an apparent loss for words. He eventually offered the criminal a smile and folded his arms carefully across his chest after trying to figure out where he was supposed to put them.

“I’m glad to see you,” ĺÞrót said softly as he began to close the distance between them.

“Sure you are,” Glanni grumbled with a roll of his eyes. “ _Fancy_ seeing you here. You’re probably just looking for some damn stolen goods, aren’t you?” he accused.

The hero looked mildly surprised. “Well, I was earlier, yes, but…” ĺÞrót’s shoulders fell as he gazed upon the man. He groaned and rested his forehead in one hand. “Glanni…is…is that the coat from the robbery today?”

That was it. Glanni huffed at the man. He took the hat off his head and threw it at ĺÞrót as violently as possible. Granted, that only resulted in the hat fluttering around in the snowy air for a moment before blowing against and sticking to a nearby tree, but the point was made. He slipped the coat from his shoulders, balled it up the best that he could, and chucked it at the goddamn hero’s head, the small ratty backpack soon to follow. The loot may have landed only at the halfway point, but the coat at least hit its mark.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn grabbed it with ease. He sighed, unfurled the coat, and dug around an inside pocket for a few seconds before coming up with what looked like an old envelope. Glanni’s jaw practically dropped into the snow accumulating at his feet when ĺÞrót opened it to reveal a hidden stash of cash.

“Mother _fucker_!” Glanni screamed. “Give that back!”

“Glanni, no,” ĺÞrót sighed as he tucked the money back where it came from. “I need to return this.”

The man was fuming now. “Oh, you little cunt, I stole that fair and square! Finders keepers!”

ĺÞrót just stared at the raving man. “Didn’t _I_ find the money?” he calmly pointed out.

Glanni looked like someone had suddenly hit the pause button on his remote control. He tried to come up with some kind of witty response. _Any_ kind of response. All he managed to do was make a flustered squeaking noise while ĺÞrót _dared_ to smile at him.

“Fuck you, I don’t need this shit!” Glanni snapped angrily once the hero went to retrieve Glanni’s bag and hat. “I’ve had a terrible day, I’m tired of dealing with self-righteous assholes, I’m gone!” he yelled.

The criminal turned his back on the stupid sexy elf man puttering around in the snow and started to storm off down the street. He didn’t get very far before the cold really began to cut through his cat suit. Glanni started to shiver and hugged his arms to his chest in a sad attempt at retaining what little heat his skinny frame still had. He didn’t know where he was going, but who cared? The fae kept walking.

He’d lost everything today…his time and effort, his loot, his safe house, his dignity, and apparently a huge wad of cash that could have solved all his fucking problems if he had bothered to _look_ in any of that stupid coat’s pockets! Might as well just go freeze to death and get it over with at this rate.

“Glanni! Glanni, wait!”

Nope, not listening. Glanni kept his eyes on the approaching intersection. He shivered in the cold, teeth already starting to chatter on him at random intervals. Oh, this just sucked.

“Glanni.”

An annoyingly firm hand grasped his shoulder. The man whipped his head around to scowl at ĺÞróttaálfurinn. He tugged back, but the elf wouldn’t let him go.

“You’re freezing,” the hero said softly, a sad puppy-dog look in his eyes that Glanni simultaneously loved and hated.

“I a-am n-n-n-not!” he protested through a terrible shudder.

ĺÞrót sighed. “Here,” he said quietly as he pried one of Glanni’s arms away from their body and carefully placed a small plastic card in his hand.

“Th-the f-f-f-fuck is th-this?” Glanni asked.

He turned the tiny item over and frowned. He knew that logo. Glanni looked over his shoulder at the motel now about a block away. The same stupid hat-and-flower-basket clipart hung above its welcome sign.

“You have the room for the week, if you want it,” ĺÞrót said quietly.

The criminal just stared at him for a few seconds as his frozen brain tried to comprehend the gesture. He looked back down at the bit of plastic in his hand again and swallowed as another violent shiver ran through his body.

“Please come back, Glanni. I don’t want you to be out there in—”

ĺÞrót’s words were interrupted by icy fingers wrapping around his wrist. Without a word, Glanni dragged the elf back toward the motel, one hand on ĺÞrót, the other tightly clutching the key card to his chest. The hero let himself be lead without complaint. Glanni tried to ignore the pleasant smile on ĺÞrót’s lips.

“Says _I_ need the room, but fucking dipshit’ll probably go home and freeze his ass off in his stupid little flippy balloon,” Glanni grumbled under his breath as they went, sending his puffs of breath back in ĺÞrót’s face.

He quickly found the appropriate room. Sniffling and shaking from the cold, he fumbled with the card for a minute before finally getting the damn door to unlock and let them inside. Oh, the blessed warmth. Glanni yanked ĺÞrót inside and quickly closed the door before any of the precious heat could escape. It was a simple room, just a bed, television, table, the usual…but right now it looked like heaven. Especially that bed. He didn’t even care if there might be leftover semen stains on everything; it was a real bed. As amazingly wonderful as that bed was, though, there was one thing in the motel room that he was eager to try out even more.

“You stay put,” Glanni said darkly. “Don’t go running off. I have some strong words for you when I’m done.”

Glanni didn’t notice the look of surprise and longing on the elf’s face when he slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He was too busy already unzipping his cat suit. Glanni was still shivering, though thankfully not as violently as before, as he kicked his clothes aside and raced to the bath tub that was waiting so graciously for him. He fumbled with the knobs for a bit, but managed to get the thing to roar to life with beautiful, hot water in no time. He hopped inside and pulled the curtain closed.

“Oh, thank every god that’s out there,” the fae moaned pleasurably as he felt the too-hot water cascade down his cold skin.

He held his arms out before him, leaning into the wall as he hung his head and just let himself enjoy the heat and steam bellowing up around him. This. This was lovely. The fae kicked at the drain with his toe until the stopper clicked into place and let the water to pool at his still-freezing feet. Even better.  Glanni closed his eyes. Everything was perfect but, in spite of the luxurious comfort that now surrounded him, Glanni couldn’t help but feel…conflicted.

“Why do you always try to ruin things, brain?” he mumbled to himself.

This was what he had wanted. Warmth. Somewhere safe and warm and…well, he didn’t have the money he had wanted, but at least the room was free. Then again, that was part of the problem. ĺÞrót had went and gotten the room for him. Stupid pissass hero that he was. Glanni didn’t like handouts. He also didn’t like being pitied. And it felt like that was his current situation in the nutshell; the elf had felt bad for him and, like a sugar daddy, showered him with riches at no cost. Okay, so maybe a cheap motel room didn’t exactly qualify as _riches_ but it sure felt like much the same thing right now. He hated to admit it, but the bastard’s kind gesture might have saved Glanni’s miserable life, whatever that was worth.

He liked ĺÞrót. He liked him a lot. And Glanni sometimes truly hated himself for it. ĺÞróttaálfurinn was a literal hero, the man charged with bringing people like Glanni to justice. _Then why are you not in jail?_ He wondered. Was ĺÞrót the only reason Glanni was a free man? The criminal was good at escapes, of course, but…even he had to admit he seemed to have an absurd amount of luck in the get-out-of-jail-free department. He was good, but was he _that_ good?

As much as he liked the stupid rock-hard blowhard, though, Glanni had kept the elf at arm’s length. At first it had made plenty of sense…they were forbidden fuckbuddies, but that was all. But somewhere along the line… The fae sighed. The gentle way ĺÞrót would hold him, the sparkle in the man’s eyes when he would catch Glanni looking at him, how the hero took care of him when he’d been a drunken mess, how he legitimately seemed to want the best for Glanni, no matter the cost. Even if the cost was his status as a hero, no doubt, considering how much of Glanni’s tracks the idiot had probably covered for him over the last year or two. What hero helps the villain like that?

Glanni held a hand over his mouth. Oh shit. The elf loved him, didn’t he?

He grabbed onto the small metal bar protruding from the wall. He needed to make sure he had hold of something solid right now. ĺÞróttaálfurinn, the skippy, flippy, ever-enthusiastic, caring to a fault numbered hero…loved him? _Him_ , of all people on the godforsaken planet? Glanni didn’t understand. He…oh, he felt a little dizzy. How had this happened? They’d just _fucked_ , that was all! Glanni couldn’t understand how he had arrived here. Glanni had never really _done_ real relationships, if only on principle. It was too dangerous. Holding your heart and soul out to someone and asking them to politely not stomp all over it and rip it to shreds.

So much suddenly made sense. ĺÞróttaálfurinn’s worried inquiries about how Glanni had been doing now and then, how gentle he was, somehow even when they were being rough…how the elf always looked when Glanni left. That face. He’d asked if Glanni could stay so many times, the criminal now realized, and he never _really_ had. Not once, at least not on purpose. That stupid fucking elf did so much for him, things Glanni didn’t even like or sometimes admit to. ĺÞrót did so much and only ever asked for one simple thing in return. And he had always said _no_. Glanni knew he was bad, but he hadn’t realized until that moment that he was _evil_.

The fae was abruptly jolted from his thoughts by the loud bang of a door. He gripped the bar at his side tightly while his free hand flapped around trying to find safety in the shower curtain. At least he managed to stay upright. Cracking his skull open was the last thing he needed today.

“Are you okay?” came ĺÞrót’s voice from the bathroom doorway.

“Aside from nearly having a heart attack just now, I’m perfectly peachy. Why?”

There was a pause where Glanni would _tell_ the elf was probably shrugging, in spite of the fact that neither of them could see the other. “It’s just, you’re still in here. It’s been…a while.”

Hmm. How long had he been letting his mind wander? For a cheap motel, their hot water heater was apparently a pretty damn good one.

Glanni quickly gathered himself and opened the curtain. He peered out at ĺÞrót with large eyes and a sudden sense of clarity. The elf stood there in the doorway with his innocent, curious expression. Glanni looked the man over quickly. There was snow on ĺÞrót’s hat, and a little on his shoulders as well. He frowned.

“I told you not to go running off,” he heard himself say as he mentally screamed at himself to shut his fucking mouth.

“W-well, I left you a note!” ĺÞrót defended, suddenly looking more like a child who was caught drawing on the wall instead of a certified hero.

Glanni allowed himself to smile at the elf’s innocent look of worry. The big stupid doofball. The fae jerked his head toward the showerhead behind him.

“I’m sorry, Glanni. I realized what time it was and thought that I should get dinner and return those things, so I went out and—”

“You’re melting all over the floor. It’s cold out. Get in here and warm up.”

If ĺÞróttaálfurinn had looked cute a moment ago, he looked downright adorable now. The hero blinked in surprise and his dumbass smile was practically blinding. ĺÞrót pulled off his hat, setting it carefully on the nearby counter before he began to remove his armor as well. Glanni leaned against the wall and watched. He rested his temple on the somehow still cool tile and admired the view as the hero took off each piece of his signature outfit, folded each piece carefully, and piled them neatly together. Silly elf man.

“You’re slipping,” Glanni teased as he watched his partner sit down bare-assed on the toilet cover to unlace his boots.

“Slipping?” ĺÞrót asked, giving Glanni a look.

“What are you, an old man all of a sudden? I’ve seen you strip at the speed of light. What’s all this meticulous bullshit about?”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn shrugged sheepishly. “I’m just a little surprised you asked me to join you, I suppose. You didn’t seem…interested before.”

“I was freezing my ass off, you stupid prick,” Glanni laughed. “I’m _always_ interested if you’re willing to wiggle that cute ass for me.”

ĺÞrót blushed ever so slightly as he pulled off his boots. He got up and set them with the rest of his things. Glanni didn’t miss the small shake as the hero bent over to do so. That bitch.

“Get in here before I change my mind,” Glanni said as he pulled his head back inside the curtain.

The curtain behind him shifted only seconds later and Glanni soon found a pair of large, chilly arms wrapping themselves around his waist. The criminal let out a shriek and frantically batted ĺÞróttaálfurinn away.

“You’re a motherfucking ice cube! Get off, you crazy yeti!”

ĺÞrót laughed, only grabbing the fae closer and kissing Glanni’s neck as he squirmed.

“Such a _hot_ head,” the elf teased in his ear.

“You scum,” Glanni laughed as ĺÞrót started to nibble at his throat.

The slim man spun around, looking down at ĺÞrót’s beautiful blue eyes. The hero gazed up at him with the sweetest smile Glanni had ever seen. There was no doubt that the hero loved him after a look like that. A look Glanni realized he had seen over and over again for the past year or so but never truly _noticed_ before now. He cupped the other man’s chin in his suddenly trembling hand. He pulled ĺÞrót’s face closer to his own and greeted the elf’s lips with his own. Glanni felt ĺÞrót’s hands against each of his cheeks as each man pulled the other closer. By the gods, someone loved him. And Glanni was beginning to worry that, just maybe…

“Are you still cold?”

He had been so lost in his own heart that it took Glanni a moment to realize the kiss had ended.

“Hmm?” he hummed.

“You were shivering.”

Oh, that.

“You’re an ice bucket,” Glanni mumbled before nuzzling into the strong man’s neck.

“Not for long. This water is practically boiling! How could you stand being in here for so long?”

Glanni shrugged. It felt nice enough to him. ĺÞrót’s arms felt nicer. Glanni hated getting help or being seen as a charity case. But with ĺÞrót…it felt a little different. The big dumb elf was too perfect for his own good. He needed to thank the short little sweetheart somehow.

Glanni let his fingers slide off ĺÞrót’s shoulders, down his sides. He tenderly traced the curvature of the hero’s muscles, slowly wrapping around the stud’s hips before digging his nails into the soft flesh of ĺÞróttaálfurinn’s tasty ass. He sucked gently on the elf’s collar bone as he did so. A ripple ran down Glanni’s spine as he felt their members slide by one another. He’d missed this.

ĺÞrót gave a surprisingly predatory growl and pulled Glanni somehow closer, their stomachs flat against one another as the steaming water continued to shower down around them and cascade gently over their exposed skin. Even surrounded by so much warmth—the scalding water on one side, ĺÞrót’s radiator-like muscles on the other—Glanni felt a violent shiver that ran from his head straight down to his toes.

Still at the elf’s collar, Glanni bit down. He hummed in satisfaction when he heard ĺÞrót’s breath hitch above him. The fae dug into the man’s skin as far as his trim nails would allow and held his hips close as he gently kissed the bruise only to bite down again, harder this time. ĺÞrót was practically purring as he leaned against the shower wall, reveling in the sensation of Glanni gently licking the small pinpricks of blood that now peppered his skin there.

“That’s my tasty boy,” Glanni cooed, finally letting go of ĺÞrót’s ass long enough to let his fingertips dance over the elf’s lovely hips.

“That’s morbid,” the hero breathlessly laughed in response.

“So is that a no to fucking in a graveyard?” Glanni asked with a tiny pout as he rested his chin on ĺÞrót’s sternum and stared up at him. “There go my lovely spring plans!”

ĺÞrót snorted and pulled Glanni back up to his full height to kiss him properly. The criminal still held the hero’s hips, though his long fingers were slowly sliding southward. He brushed over the strong man’s member and couldn’t help but smile when it reacted appropriately, giving a small jump as though Glanni had startled it from a comfortable nap. ĺÞrót gave a soft moan of anticipation and peppered Glanni’s neck with kisses.

“Well, I think I’m good, how about you?” Glanni suddenly proclaimed nonchalantly as he reached behind him and turned off the water.

The fae hummed a soft chipper tune as he stepped out of the shower and grabbed the little white towel waiting for him on the flimsy-looking rack. Glanni started drying himself off without a care, smiling to himself as he listened to ĺÞróttaálfurinn stutter in surprise and need somewhere behind him.

“G-Glanni!”

“ _What_?” the criminal asked innocently as he headed for the door. “You said yourself it was too hot.”

He looked over his shoulder to see ĺÞrót’s adorable pout from where he still stood in the middle of the bath tub. Glanni waggled his fingers in farewell and wandered back into the main room. Once out of sight of the elf, Glanni tossed the towel aside and flopped onto the bed. He stared at the ceiling as he listened to his companion emerge from the shower and, presumably, begin to dry off himself. Glanni still wasn’t entirely sure if the thoughts running through his head were good or bad ideas. But yeah, they sure were ideas alright. He slapped both his hands to his face for a second before letting them run down to his chin like he was trying to wipe away his own uncertainty. Stupid, innocent fucking elf.

The approach of soft footsteps on the old carpet announced ĺÞrót’s arrival. The sound of the crystal belonging to a stupid floppy hat clinking on the bedside table met his ears. Glanni looked up at him with a smile. The hero was absolutely beautiful: toned muscles, beautifully floppy golden hair, shimmering eyes that looked like the clear skies of a perfect day…a penis thicker than his own. That was nice, too.

“Hey, you.”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn smiled  instead of responding. He bent down to press his lips to Glanni’s. The fae hooked his fingers around the base of ĺÞrót’s neck to pull him ever-so-slightly closer. He felt the bed depress on each side of him as the hero’s hands pressed into the mattress. They broke apart. Glanni looked up into ĺÞrót’s lovely eyes and they kissed again. So gentle.

Glanni pulled back and playfully nipped at ĺÞrót’s nose before pushed back against the hero’s rock hard chest. The elf pulled back without complaint, but frowned in surprise when the fae below him rolled away and hopped off the opposite side of the bed. Oh, he knew he was confusing the poor lug. Hell, he was confusing himself. Glanni was nervous, though. He wanted…oh, but he had to work up to crossing that bridge. But he _did_ want it.

He grabbed the edges of the motel curtains and flung them open, looking over the white landscape outside. The snow was really coming down now, covering every surface of the motel parking lot and the street beyond. They may end up getting legitimately snowed in if this kept up. No wonder ĺÞrót had been covered in snow when he had popped that fat head of his into the bathroom.

“Glanni!” came the surprised shout from behind him. “You’re naked! Get away from the window!”

“Anyone passing by should consider themselves _lucky_ if they got a chance to glimpse my dick,” the man shrugged as he glanced around the empty lot. Leave it to ĺÞrót to worry over nothing. “What, are you embarrassed of being seen with me?” he asked in partial jest. “Am I your dirty secret?”

He didn’t actually expect ĺÞrót to respond to that. Glanni knew that’s what he was: the hero’s secret, his big lie. Sleeping with a villain…and not just any villain. Glanni Glæpur. Sure, if anyone from the city’s underbelly found out _he_ was diddling the local hero, there’d be hell to pay, too, but...he could start over somewhere else. Somehow Glanni didn’t think it would be that easy for ĺÞrót.

“I thought you liked it dirty.”

The criminal jumped, then promptly tried to cover his surprise when the hero appeared just behind him. Fully visible in the window and, also, still entirely naked. Glanni stood in stiffened shock as ĺÞrót rested his chin on the man’s shoulder. They both stared at the window, just able to see the ghosts of their reflections gazing back. ĺÞrót’s hands rested gingerly on his pale stomach, tracing little circles on his skin, just enough to give him goosebumps.

“I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel that way,” the elf said in a more serious tone than before. “I’m…not ashamed of you, Glanni. At all. I admire you. I admire you and your spirit so much. If…if you don’t want me to…to _hide us_ anymore, I’ll—”

“Don’t you dare,” Glanni whispered. He closed the curtains and sighed. “I don’t want you to do that any more than you do, dipshit.” _I’m not worth the fallout._ “We both…have a lot to lose if anyone found out.” _Though things would be different if we weren’t…us._

ĺÞróttaálfurinn nodded on his shoulder in sad understanding. “I’m…still happy we found each other, though.”

Glanni felt his chest tighten. Oh this stupid asshole. ĺÞrót could always hit the exact buttons to reduce him to an emotional puddle, and the idiot wasn’t even conscious of it. It wasn’t fair. Why did it have to be _him_ of all people? Glanni wasn’t sure to which of them he was referring. He just knew it hurt.

“Get on the bed.”

“Hmm?”

Glanni elbowed ĺÞrót in the stomach. “Get. In. The. Bed. You sexy dick.”

“I do have one of those,” the elf teased before obeying the command and leaving Glanni’s side.

The felon smiled and shook his head. Oh, he had been such a bad influence on that man.

Or, maybe not.

“I said—! I didn’t mean to _flip_ into the bed, you…for _fucks sake_!”

ĺÞrót only laughed at him from where he spread himself out over the comforter. Glanni gave a toothy grin and stalked over to the waiting man. ĺÞrót was squirming in anticipation and smiling over at Glanni with the brightest face the man had probably ever seen. How ĺÞrót kept topping himself in the adorable expressions race was beyond his understanding.

“You cute little shitter,” Glanni laughed as he crawled into bed and straddled the hero.

He gazed down at ĺÞróttaálfurinn below him. The hero was clearly ready and waiting. Despite the lack of cords, the hero had even placed his hands over his head in submission. Glanni could feel him spreading his legs in preparation. Why did Glanni feel so nervous? They had done this a hundred times before, and ĺÞrót was so beautiful laying there. He watched the hero close his eyes and tilt his head back in nervous anticipation. The stupid oaf trusted Glanni completely, didn’t he?

Glanni dove in, grabbing a fistful of ĺÞrót’s beautiful hair with one hand and reaching around his toned hip with the other. His lips took hold of the elf’s exposed neck, kissing ĺÞrót again and again, faster and harder each time. He nibbled a little here, sucked a little there, nuzzled under the gasping hero’s chin with his nose, then sunk back down to kiss and taste ĺÞrót’s lovely tanned skin. Glanni didn’t know if it was all the disgusting _sportscandy_ or gross exercise, but he swore that ĺÞrót’s skin always tasted almost…sweet? It was downright intoxicating at times. He loved to taste his elf as any opportunity. Oh, he loved chewing on that sexy collarbone of his…

“That’s still a little tender,” ĺÞrót said softly, though not in protest.

Glanni glanced up from the bite mark he had left in the shower. “Oh is it now?” he asked before tapping his teeth teasingly against the bruising flesh. “Poor baby.”

He gave the red area a gentle bite and the hero gasped. Oh, Glanni knew that gasp. He lived to hear that gasp. The felon growled and shifted his weight. He leaned over to ĺÞrót’s opposite side and bit down, determined to give the man an even set of marks all across his clavicle. The fae gave the skin a tug with every hiss that escaped the lovely elf’s lips.

Glanni slid down the hero’s body, giving ĺÞrót’s nipple a flick just to see the man shiver. He let his tongue slowly circle around the hero’s areola for a few seconds before sucking gently on the nipple itself. ĺÞróttaálfurinn tried to keep his moan on the quiet side, but failed miserably once Glanni decided to pinch and twist the opposite nipple while his mouth worked on its twin.

“Oh, I think he likes it,” Glanni teased once he felt pulled himself away to switch sides. “That dirty little hero. What would everyone think if they saw you like this?” He gently rolled the man’s nipples between his fingers as he spoke. “You’re loving this, aren’t you? You slutty little elf.”

Oh course ĺÞrót was, but Glanni loved to watch his partner’s brow contort as his big stupid brain tried to figure out if he felt aroused or ashamed. Early on, the two said very little to one another during sex, sometimes nothing at all. Glanni was used to fucking his flavor of the week with as little personal interaction as possible, but the muscle-bound hero was different. So different. And Glanni had decided a short time ago that talking, teasing, praising…oh, it just made his time with ĺÞróttaálfurinn that much better. And his _slutty little elf_ seemed to love it.

“Such a good little hero,” Glanni purred as he peppered kisses across ĺÞrót’s abs-ridden stomach. “Don’t think I didn’t notice how you placed your hands up there for me like such a good boy. You’ve been on this rodeo before, huh? So obedient. I love that.”

The hero hummed, arching his back to meet Glanni’s tender kisses halfway. He swallowed and tried to speak, his voice already hoarse somehow. “A-anything for you, Glanni.”

The felon’s kisses faltered only a moment as those words reached his ears. He sank lower, caressing ĺÞrót’s thighs as he briefly retreated back to his own mind. He was certain that ĺÞrót meant those words, whether in bed or not. Dead certain. And he couldn’t decide how comfortable he was with that realization. Glanni racked his nails down the hero’s legs as he leaned in to kiss the elf’s inner thighs.

“Don’t you crush my head now, meat muffin,” he teased when ĺÞrót suddenly bucked from pleasure.

The elf trusted him, wanted nothing more than to please and care for him. The motel room. His hangover. Staying out of jail. As guilty as Glanni felt about so much dependence on the hero, maybe…maybe he could tap the man for just one more _favor_. Glanni nuzzled his cheek against ĺÞrót’s thigh. He sighed, the tickle of his breath causing the elf’s penis to jump in excitement. Glanni gave a soft chuckle, which only seemed to excite the adorably erect appendage even more. The fae let his fingertips dance around ĺÞrót’s silly little May pole while his eyes traveled back to what little he could see of the man’s lovely face from this angle. ĺÞrót was biting his lip. Cute.

“ĺÞrót,” Glanni said quietly as he crawled back up the man’s body.

The hero opened his eyes, looking confused.

“We always have a lovely time, don’t we?” Glanni asked as he gently stroked one side of the hero’s goofy mustache.

ĺÞrót broke into a wide grin. “That we do,” he agreed immediately. “You’re wonderful, Glanni.” He reached up a calloused hand to cradle the criminal’s neck and kiss his partner. “You fill me…” He snickered. “…and empty me.”

“Little elf thinks he’s so funny. Wipe that smirk off your face, you fucking ass,” Glanni laughed.

“I have one of those!”

Glanni slapped a hand to his forehead for a moment. He let out a slow breath and carefully shifted to lay beside ĺÞrót rather than on top of him. The hero looked troubled anew by the change. Not to say Glanni blamed him. Usually once Glanni started, there wasn’t a man or demon alive that could stop him. He swallowed. Now or never.

“Wh-what do you say we try s-something a little different today?” Glanni proposed with a hopeful but nervous smile.

“Oh?” ĺÞrót asked curiously as he propped himself up on his elbows. “Different how?”

Not entirely sure how to approach the matter, Glanni flopped onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. Just in case. He really wasn’t sure right now if he wanted to see ĺÞrót’s face. He wet his lips.

“I’ve been with a lot of people,” Glanni started softly. “It’s…always been the same, really. I throw ‘em down, I fuck ‘em, they moan and writhe and wonder if they’ve somehow made it into Heaven, and there ya go, I get on with my day. It’s always been great. And you, you son of a bitch, _you_ …” Glanni sighed heavily. “You’ve been more than I could ever ask for.” That was an understatement. “But, um, there’s one thing that I’ve never done with anyone before. And, uh, I was…well, I want to do it now. With you.”

He felt ĺÞrót’s cheek on his arm as the hero listened. The elf carefully kissed Glanni’s skin.

“Of course we can. We can do whatever you want, Glanni.”

“N-no!” Glanni said quickly, his voice sharp enough to make ĺÞrót pull away from him in surprise. The fae sighed. “I mean...no, y-you see…fucking _fuck_.” God why did this have to be so difficult? Why was Glanni such a pussy? It’s not like he had one. “It’s not like a ‘hey, I’ve always wanted to throw a trapeze into the mix’ kind of thing. I…look, ĺÞrót, this…I wasn’t kidding when I said I’d fuck everyone I’ve ever been with. It’s always _me_ fucking _them_. You understand what I mean?”

Finally, Glanni forced himself to look at the hero. Those sweet blue eyes looked so big as ĺÞróttaálfurinn  nodded and looked at him with such innocent curiosity. He forced himself to continue speaking.

“I know I’m rambling, but I have to explain, you see. It’s important” He diverted his eyes again. “I, uh, I think…no, _I would like_ to be on bottom this time, ĺÞrót. I’ve never let—I mean, I’ve never had…shit.”

His words were interrupted by the elf nuzzling against his neck while he took and gently squeezed Glanni’s nearest hand.

“I understand,” ĺÞrót said slowly between his gentle kisses. “Just tell me what to do.”

Glanni felt his jumbled words tie themselves into a knot in his throat. He tried to swallow, then suddenly feel ĺÞrót’s lips against his cheek. He closed his eyes, only to then feel the hero’s lips gently brush his eyelids. Glanni realized he was crying. ĺÞrót reached around and cradled Glanni’s head as he continued to kiss away his partner’s tears. Glanni grabbed for the elf out of sheer instinct, curling against ĺÞrót’s bare chest as the man stroked his back. Gently up and down his spine. Up and down, up and down, a slowly rhythm with a delicate touch. Glanni slowly began to relax as he melted against the veritable god that was cradling him so tenderly. Glanni didn’t deserve this, yet here he was.

“Let me know when you’re ready.”

Glanni nodded, touched by even that small gesture. ĺÞróttaálfurinn had been the right choice, he decided. ĺÞrót was the only man he trusted with this. With him.

“Stretch me first,” Glanni said, his voice still quivering slightly and barely above a whisper.

ĺÞrót kissed his cheek and pulled away. “I’ll be right back,” he promised with pink cheeks.

Glanni looked on with interest at the hero hopped off the bed and—of course—cartwheeled over to the small nearby table. There were a few bags sitting there that Glanni hadn’t noticed before. ĺÞrót dug around in one of them before taking out what looked like a small bottle. Glanni chuckled softly and slapped a hand across his eyes.

“I wish I could have been there when you bought _lube_!” he laughed. “I would _pay_ to see the cashier’s face!”

“I…used the self-checkout,” ĺÞrót admitted sheepishly as he rejoined Glanni on the bed.

“I bet your face was so red you looked like one of your nasty apples,” the criminal teased as ĺÞrót coated his fingers with the slick substance. “Look, it’s starting to do it now!”

The blushing elf rolled his eyes and leaned down to kiss Glanni into silence. He draped his arms around the sexy beefcake’s neck and hoped his trembling wasn’t as noticeable as he feared. ĺÞróttaálfurinn shifted slightly to better angle himself so that he could continue to kiss the man below him was simultaneously reaching down to nudge Glanni’s pale thighs apart. He lifted one of Glanni’s thin legs up and over his arm for better access. The fae let the man manipulate his body in any way needed. He couldn’t decide if he was more excited or terrified by the prospect of being someone’s plaything to use and control.

The felon began to tremble even more from the anticipation. This was happening, actually happening. He was with ĺÞrót, and the elf was going to be inside him. _Inside him_. No one had ever been inside him in any capacity; Glanni had made sure of that. No one invaded Glanni Glæpur. Which made it hilariously tragic that he knew from self-experimentation that he preferred being a bottom. But now that ĺÞrót was here…oh Gods, he could finally feel it. He could and would finally have someone inside him, and he could _trust_ them to appreciate it. He’d had dreams like this. Plenty of times. But it was actually happening, finally. He couldn’t pull the elf close enough as he all but shoved his tongue down ĺÞrót’s throat.

He stopped breathing. Glanni’s entire body tensed as he felt the elf’s finger touch, press, _enter_ him. Their kiss broke off.

“Are you alright?” ĺÞrót asked quietly.

“Y-yeah,” Glanni managed to reply. “Keep going. Keep going.” Then, far quieter to himself, “This is real. Oh _God_ this is _real_.”

The elf licked lightly behind Glanni’s ear just to hear the quiver in the criminal’s breath as he moved his finger deeper before pulling out ever so slightly and pushing deeper again. Glanni slowly became aware of the fact that ĺÞrót was trembling, too. What a mess they were. Oh, he’d have the elf be no other way.

“More,” Glanni said. “Faster. I need you, ĺÞrót.”

That seemed to motivate the man.  ĺÞrót’s finger moved faster. In, out, in, out, and suddenly, Glanni felt a second digit inside him. He arched his back and gasped as that second finger dared to wiggle as it moved, ushering in a new series of pleasurable shudders that rippled through Glanni’s body.

“Y-you’re good at this,” Glanni huffed when a third finger joined in the game with no sign of things slowing down. “Oh God, ĺÞrót.”

He could hear the smile in the hero’s voice as ĺÞrót paused in his efforts to cover Glanni’s entire torso with nibbling kisses to speak. “Well I’ve had an excellent teacher,” he hissed seductively before kissing Glanni’s lips.

“Shut the fuck up,” Glanni said breathlessly before abruptly letting out a loud moan as ĺÞrót used his free thumb to brush across the fae’s balls. “Oh m-m—oh fuck me.”

“I thought that’s what I was doing,” ĺÞrót couldn’t help but giggle.

Glanni tried to slap him for such a terrible joke, but there was no strength to it and he just ended up grabbing the elf’s face and whining in pleasure. The goddamn hero hadn’t so much as _touched_ his dick yet and Glanni already felt like he was falling apart.

“More,” he gasped, grabbing at ĺÞrót’s arm. “More. More, _please_ more.”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn gently pried Glanni’s fingers from his face to kiss each knuckle. Glanni shivered as he felt the elf’s lovely fingers leave him. The felon had pulled dildos and random vegetables out of his ass plenty of times in his life, but it had never left him feeling _empty_ before. This was a strange, new feeling. He didn’t like it.

“ĺÞrót,” he whined pitifully.

The hero was already moving toward the base of the bed. He was breathing slowly and concentrating probably a little too much on just how much lube he needed from his small bottle. ĺÞrót carefully moved Glanni’s already spread legs further, letting the fae’s ankle rest on either side of his head.  Glanni could feel the stupid lug shaking under his calves.

“Are you sure this is alright?”

Glanni whined again with need. “ _Yes_ , you goddamn dickwaffle, now give me your goddamn dickwaffle!”

The hero smiled at that, shaking his head in amusement. At least the idiot seemed more relaxed now. A relaxed elf meant faster fucking. At least, that’s what Glanni hoped. ĺÞrót pulled Glanni’s hips close to his. He swallowed nervously and leaned forward. Glanni waited impatiently as ĺÞrót positioned himself and Glanni—at last!—felt the elf push at his entrance to the cavern beyond.

Glanni knew what having random things shoved up his ass felt like, but he hadn’t expected it to feel like this. Granted, this was the first time he was being impaled by an actual penis attached to an actual person, but _damn_! The criminal gasped in shock as his asshole did its best to make room for ĺÞróttaálfurinn. Oh, he knew the elf was a thick one but he hadn’t realized how that would translate in the heat of the moment. It felt wonderful, but it hurt, too. Ow. Okay. Ow. Maybe a little too much. He wasn’t sure if he could take the damn hero all at once.

“Hang on, hang on,” he said breathlessly. “ _Ég sagði að hætta í eina mínútu_!”

ĺÞrót stopped immediately, a look on panic on his face. “Are you okay? We can stop. Do you want me to stop?”

“ _Ó, lokaðu munninum_ ,” Glanni breathed. “Just gimme a second.”

“Glanni…?”

He reached down to place his hand on the one settled on his hip. He patted ĺÞrót’s hand reassuringly to try and calm the elf down.

“You’re a big boy,” Glanni chuckled softly. “Just give me some time to adjust so we can get to the good part.”

ĺÞrót still looked worried. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Well, things are going to get pretty damn vanilla around here if that’s the case, and I don’t know about you, but—”

“You know what I mean!”

Okay, he couldn’t ignore the look on the hero’s face anymore.

“ĺÞrót, it’s okay,” Glanni said quietly as he traced circles on the back of the man’s hand. “You stay right where you are.  We’re doing this. Hell, you’re doing great, alright? The problem’s my bitchy little ass, okay? Literally. It’s just not…used to the attention.”

“But you’re okay?”

Glanni nodded. “Yeah, I’m good. You want to try a bit more for me?”

ĺÞrót nodded obediently and, although he looked nervous, he pushed forward. Glanni hissed, but waved his hand for the elf to keep going when ĺÞrót paused. Glanni knew that if he were a sane man, they probably _should_ have stopped there, but he refused. He finally found someone he trusted enough to be inside him and he was _not_ going to let that go so easily. Besides, he was an abnormally faster healer anyway, thanks to his heritage. He would be fine.

“There you go,” the fae sighed as ĺÞrót stopped. “That’s my good boy. Come here,” he said, waving for ĺÞrót to lean forward. “Come here, you fucking elf.”

“You’re sure you’re okay?” the hero asked as he leaned closer for Glanni to wrap his arms around his shoulders as best he could, considering Glanni’s knees were practically in his own ears by that point.

The felon gave the man a long kiss before answering. “I’m good,” he assured him. “Sweet little hero has a surprisingly _not_ little dick,” Glanni giggled. “Which, in hindsight, shouldn’t have been much of a surprise since you’re an enormous prick.”

ĺÞrót rolled his eyes, but allowed himself to smile. “Shut up.”

Glanni flashed the man a mischievous smile and leaned back against the bed, his fingertips still trying to hold onto the gorgeous elf hovering above him as he closed his eyes in pure contentment.

“It feels so good with you inside me,” he sighed. “Damn we should have done this months ago.” Glanni opened his eyes to look up at his wonderful partner. “Start moving.”

The hero looked nervous again. “But what if it…Glanni, I…I don’t want to send you to the hospital,” ĺÞrót admitted shakily. “If it really hurts that bad…”

“I’ll be fine.”

“But—”

“ _ĺÞróttaálfurinn_.” Glanni met the man’s eyes. “I promise I will be fine. You’ve always been fine, right? Even the first time?”

“But I’m…”

“An elf, I know.”

ĺÞrót swallowed. “H-half, actually,” he admitted.

“Then we have something in common,” Glanni said with a casual shrug. “I’m half fae.”

“You’re...really?” ĺÞrót gave him a look. “You’re not just saying that so I’ll hurry things up, are you?”

“Well that _would_ be nice, but no. I’m half. I thought you would have figured that out by now!”

“I _had_ hoped,” the hero admitted sheepishly.

Glanni spread his arms wide on the bed and grinned. “Then, wish granted! You do a good job and maybe I’ll give you a sneak peek of my wings! But _only_ if you’re a good boy and _fucking move already_! I’m not getting any younger down here.”

Finally assured that he wasn’t about to send his partner to the hospital, ĺÞrót inched his hips back as far as he dared. Glanni arched his back in response.

“Stop holding back. I know you are,” the fae hissed.

ĺÞrót thrusted.

Glanni yelled in a euphoric mixture of pleasure and pain. He begged for the elf to do it again, which he did once, twice, again and again. His pace was slow and deliberate, but it felt wonderful. Glanni grabbed the duvet below and whined happily as he listened to ĺÞrót’s grunts and heavy breaths with every undulation of their bodies.

“Faster. Faster! Goddamnit, you flip-fucky elf, you’re like a cheetah on a caffeine high all damn day and now that I _finally_ have you up my ass you decide to take things easy? Step it up, mustard man!”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn growled, thrusting harder this time, faster. The more Glanni squealed in delight, the faster he went. Growing more and more sure of himself, the elf dug his nails into Glanni’s hips, pulling the fae as close to his body as possible. The hero grunted, his eyes flashing up and down Glanni’s squirming pale body. His hands left the criminal’s hips in favor of grabbing for the slender man’s chest.

“Sorry they’re not bigger,” Glanni teased breathlessly as he felt ĺÞrót’s palms spread over his chest and rubbed against his nipples. “No balloon boobs here, Sugar Dick.”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn’s hands slid down around the fae’s sides, under his arms, and around his back. With another predatory growl, he yanked Glanni up and toward him. ĺÞrót wrapped his arms around his partner as he drove into the man against and again. The criminal had to admit he felt a bit like a pretzel at the moment, but he couldn’t say he minded it all that much. ĺÞrót pulled Glanni close, kissing the fae’s jaw, his neck. The lanky man could only moan softly in response while he ran his hands through ĺÞrót’s golden hair and tugged at his scalp with every kiss and nibble.

“Do it. Do it, please,” Glanni whispered desperately.

ĺÞrót bit down on Glanni’s shoulder. The fae moaned and yanked on the hero’s hair as a shiver ran down his spine. ĺÞrót kissed the red marks he had left only to sink inches lower to do it again.

“ _J_ _á! Já_ , já, já...oh, yes! Fuckin’….right there, ĺÞrót….do it again.”

The elf didn’t need to be told twice. He sucked and bit and nuzzled his way across Glanni’s torso and shoulders, his nails sliding roughly down the fae’s back. ĺÞrót was all but purring as he removed one hand to slide around to Glanni’s front. He dragged his fingertips across the thin man’s stomach, inching closer and closer to the felon’s already-ravaged pelvis.

Glanni promptly swatted at him. He squeaked as his arm flapped about weakly, his brain too occupied with pleasure to aim. “ _N-nei_. No,” he said in the firmest tone he could muster at the moment. “Don’t touch it. I don’t want you to touch it.”

ĺÞrót looked down at the fae’s throbbing penis in confusion.

“Make me come without it.” Glanni grinned. “I know you can do it. I believe in you.” He again tightened his grip on the man’s perfect hair. “You’re such a talented boy. I know you can.”

The hero nodded reluctantly and moved his wandering hand, instead opting to hook his thumb in Glanni’s navel to keep the hand occupied yet close. He pressed down gently before taking one of the fae’s wrists with his free hand and pinning it to the bed. Glanni casually let the only remaining free hand between the two of them rest on ĺÞrót’s beautifully tanned shoulder.

Thrust. Back. Thrust. Back. Glanni rode each wave from the elf in stride, savoring every motion and every quivering sensation between then. They had drifted back to a slow yet steady pace, but Glanni wanted more. He whispered for ĺÞrót to move faster. Then faster still. His grip on the elf’s shoulder tightened, spurring the hero on as he picked up momentum. Were his legs going numb? Glanni was sure that his legs were starting to go numb. Oh well. Who needed to walk when you could have a muscle-bound elf living between your legs?

ĺÞrót began to shake. He began pressing a little heavily into Glanni’s stomach. Not that the fae cared. The hero moaned and Glanni dug his nails into the man’s shoulder. That only made the hero move faster, practically panting like a dog at this point.

“H-have I…tired…the great… ĺÞrót…taálfurinn?” Glanni teased between the jolts that ran up his ass. “M-my…my…my. If I had…know that…this was the…way to beat you…I would have…asked for this— _Oh God!_ —ages ago. Oh God, ĺÞrót. There! Right there! Th-that’s it! _Hit right there_!”

Oh, the elf felt good. Every stroke and Glanni felt such a zing of electricity that ran through his entire body. He needed ĺÞrót. _He needed him_. At some point the elf’s hands had shifted to the bed for better leverage and Glanni used that to his advantage now. Glanni latched onto the man’s immense arms and squeezed. He was close. He could feel it, he knew it. The fae opened his mouth, tried to tell ĺÞrót just how close he was, but only a hollow squeak managed to escape his lips.

Glanni’s entire body tensed. He gaped, gasped, and wheezed before all of the built-up energy escaped in one long, loud howl of sheer pleasure. The pressure in his pelvis exploded in a series of beautiful waves and Glanni felt something warm splatter across his stomach. The man shuddered and felt his limbs starting to go limp. His arms, his legs, ĺÞrót’s continued movement, his own dick straining to expel everything that it could. Glanni’s mind began to reel with overstimulation.

“Get out,” he whined. “ĺÞrót, out! _Út!_ ”

Glanni flailed his suddenly noodly arms as his body decided the gasping man in his ass was far too much for him to deal with right now. The elf gasped, eyes going wide as Glanni’s orgasm unexpectedly squeezed him, pressing on his engorged member repeatedly. ĺÞrót bellowed as Glanni’s orgasm pushed him over the edge and he came inside the writhing fae.

“ _Út_!” Glanni whined weakly one more time before the elf finally, slowly, dislodged himself.

As his body slowly began to relax, the felon quickly changed his mind. As wonderfully and comfortably full as he felt moments ago, he now felt very empty. And knowing that some of ĺÞrót’s seed was probably seeping out of him and onto the comforter below him didn’t help. He refocused his eyes, scanning his range of vision for the stupid elf. Spotting the exhausted-looking man, Glanni smiled and held out his weakened arms.

“Come here,” he said softly, fatigue clear in his voice.

ĺÞrót offered Glanni a tired smiled and crawled up beside the fae to snuggle into the criminal’s side. Glanni wrapped his arms around the hero and gently kissed ĺÞrót’s soft lips. The hero draped an arm over Glanni’s chest and hummed in contentment.

“I didn’t realize it felt like that,” ĺÞrót said quietly.

“Nice, ain’t it?” Glanni teased with a sigh.

“Are you alright?” the hero asked with a hint of worry in his voice.

“Better than alright, thanks to your magical elf dick,” Glanni teased with a flick of ĺÞrót’s nose. “Such a good boy, ĺÞrót,” he whispered as he held the man. “My beautiful slutty little hero.”

ĺÞrót nuzzled into Glanni’s sore neck as the man spoke so sweet and gently. Glanni could feel him smiling. The hero gave a soft sigh against his skin before moving away.

Glanni heard Íþrót slide off the bed and smiled himself. Heh. Even the little elven jumping bean was tired after all that. He would have to remember that tidbit of information for later. Glanni felt himself drifting toward the edge of consciousness as his body relaxed and his mind collapsed into a state of bliss.

“Glanni?”

“Go away, can’t you see I’m in the afterglow or whatever the hell it is?”

“You’re a mess.”

“I know. And it’s your fault.”

There was a sigh and a brief breeze as the hero no doubt backflipped away. Okay, maybe Íþrót wasn’t as tired as he had first appeared. The elf returned seconds later, planting a gentle kiss on Glanni’s forehead to announce his arrival. The man smiled. Íþróttaálfurinn’s aftercare was always perfect. Stupid asshole had to be overachievingly perfect in everything, didn’t he?

Speaking of which, Glanni let out a sigh of contentment when Íþrót started to gently wipe down his chest with a towel of some kind. The fae allowed himself to be pampered and reveled in the soft sensations of the hero caressing his chest and stomach. Glanni snorted in surprised amusement when the towel slid even lower, inching toward his battered asshole. Poor Íþrót must feel bad about making a mess out of both Glanni and the bed.

“Glanni?” he asked softly.

The felon tried to ignore him and enjoy the moment.

Íþrót gave his shoulder a gentle nudge.

“Oh, _what_?” he complained, opening one eye in annoyance.

“Put your arms around my neck.”

“I’m into a lot of things, Íþróttaálfurinn, but choking isn’t one of them.”

“ _Arms_ , Glanni. Arms, not hands.”

He groaned and forced himself to open his eyes. He sighed and held his arms up, letting Íþrót position the damn things however the hell he wanted. He couldn’t muster the energy to care anymore. The hero shook his head before positioning Glanni’s arms around his shoulders and slipping his own arms under the criminal’s knees and back. Glanni snuggled into the elf’s warm, slightly sweaty chest as he was picked up and carried to the other side of the bed and laid down again. When had Íþrót pulled the blankets down on this side? Had Glanni actually fallen asleep for a few second somewhere along the line?

The man whined when the elf set him down and walked away. Glanni reached after him with a pout, but Íþrót ignored him. The hero, instead, pulled the comforter off the bed and kicked it to the corner of the room. Glanni just smiled.

“Is that what you think of what we just did?” he teased. “I’m hurt.”

“As wonderful as it was, I’d rather not lay on that again.”

Glanni shrugged and yawned. “That’s fair.”

He closed his eyes again and sighed. Well, this had turned from a terrible shitter of a day to verifiable paradise, hadn’t it? Glanni snuggled down into the sheets and watched Íþrót disappear into the bathroom. At least he knew the hero wasn’t jacking off in there; the poor guy probably didn’t have anything left. Glanni’s eyes wandered over to the bags still sitting on the table across the room and licked his lips.

“Hey, Sugar Dick!” he called. “You promised me food, right? If those bags are filled with your nasty sportscandy garbage we’re never doing this again, you got it?”

The elf reappeared in the doorway just to give Glanni an amused look. “Close your eyes and maybe you’ll find out.”

Glanni reached for an extra pillow and pulled it onto his face. “Fine,” came his muffled answer. “But if it’s sportscandy I’m cutting your dick off and keeping it.”

The shuffling of paper and plastic could be heard before Glanni suddenly became aware of a presence at his side.  Íþrót dropped a small bag into Glanni’s lap and set something else down on the bedside table nearby. Glanni peeked out from under his pillow to see what the mystery item was. It took the fae a moment to realize what it was he was looking at. He squeezed his eyes shut in a hard blink and looked down at the bag again.

“You bought me chips!” he cried excitedly. “You _actually_ went and bought junk food? Shit, Íþrót, I take it back. _This_ is what I’d pay to see you have to buy in public! Oh my God, yes—and they’re jalapeño cheddar!”

Glanni hummed in complete pleasure as he ripped the bag open and peered inside. He took a deep breath, savoring the delicious smell before diving a hand inside and shoving the crunchy morsels into his mouth. The elf just shook his head and jumped over Glanni to land in bed beside him.

“Show off,” Glanni muttered around the mush in his mouth.

“You know you love it.”

Glanni hit Íþrót’s arm before diving back into his bag of potato chips. “Stop being cheeky. You’re a motherfucking hero, you should act like it.”

“Is _that_ what we were doing a few minutes ago?” Íþrót asked teasingly before biting into an apple that Glanni couldn’t fathom the origin of right now. “Heroics?”

“Sure felt like ‘em on my end,” Glanni complimented. He briefly set down his bag of snacks. “That was…incredible.” He looked over at the elf sitting beside him. “I’m…glad we did that.”

“Me too.”

“I’ve got this room for a week, right?” Glanni asked.

Íþrót nodded.

“Good. Because I think my ass needs a day or two to recover,” he chuckled. “Not that we won’t be revisiting that as soon as possible.”

The elf laughed as a streak of pink grew on his cheeks. Íþróttaálfurinn tossed his already decimated apple core into the small trash bin near the table. That completed, he cozied up to Glanni’s side and rested his head on the fae’s shoulder. Glanni pretended no to notice as he enjoyed his snack.

“There’s more, you know,” the hero said softly.

“Hmm?”

“Your food.”

Glanni looked up and glanced at the bedside table. He gasped, grey eyes practically sparkling as he realized what Íþrót had left there for him.

“Are you shittn’ me?” he laughed, grabbing up the can of soda, a candy bar, and gloriously goopy-looking hoagie sandwich. “You went out there and got…”

Glanni stared down at the food now in his lap. Stupid goddamn elf. Íþróttaálfurinn hated this stuff. Hell, the candy alone was practically poison for the buff idiot. He sighed. Somehow he felt so happy, yet so guilty at the same time. As much shit as he gave the hero, Íþrót always took care of him. Even in a damn snowstorm. Or in bed.

“Would you like me to go?”

Glanni frowned, looking down at the daft elf. “Huh?”

Íþrót looked sad as he stared out at the bed stretched out before them. “I…know you hate staying after…well, and…” He sighed. “But this is your room. If you want me to leave so you can be alone now, I can.”

Oh God there was that guilt-ridden sting in his chest again. Glanni really _was_ scum, wasn’t he? He looked down at the forlorn-looking elf and swallowed. Glanni might be garbage, but Íþrót was a treasure. The sweet lunkhead didn’t deserve the expression he was wearing now, especially not after proving himself so thoroughly. The fae carefully set his dinner back down on the little table and hesitantly wrapped an arm around Íþrót’s shoulders to keep him close.

“Y-you know,” he started slowly, unsure how to put his muddled and confused feelings into words. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. And I…I think I’d…l-like it if you stuck around f-for the night. If you want.” He could feel Íþrót go rigid from surprise. “And, um…I was wondering. Maybe, if…you know...if…” Glanni sighed in frustration, bit the inside of his cheek, and just let the words tumble out. “If you’re ever interested in, say, a _date_. A—a real one, I mean. I wouldn’t be… _opposed_ to the idea.”

Íþróttaálfurinn sat up straight to stare at the criminal in absolute shock. Even his mouth was hanging open. Glanni tried to divert his eyes, uncomfortable with the attention.

“Are you serious?” the hero asked slowly.

“You were just shoved up my ass, Íþrót. Yes, I’m serious!” Glanni huffed.

A brilliant smile quickly appeared on the man’s face. “I would…like that a lot. I mean, I…and I can stay? Here? F-for the night?”

Glanni finally let himself smile, too. “All week if you want.” He snickered. “Your ass is too cute to let it freeze out there in the cold anyway.”

Íþróttaálfurinn wrapped his arms around his companion and smiled into Glanni’s chest. The fae could feel the idiot’s happy squeals reverberating against his skin more than he could hear them.

“I’ve wanted—hoped—I…I would like that very much,” he heard the hero whimper into his skin.

 He let his arms sneak around Íþrót’s torso as they laid there together. Íþrót continued to shake, sniffling now and again ad Glanni instinctively stroked his hair. So this was what staying afterward felt like. Glanni could kick himself for missing out on this strange, warm, bubbly feeling for so long. He had to give Íþrót credit; this was nice. Glanni reached toward the slim television remote behind his soda as he pulled the elf closer to his side.

“Let’s see what channels this place gets.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if my attempt to write teh prons is terrible.
> 
> TRANSLATIONS:  
> Ég sagði að hætta í eina mínútu! – I said stop for a minute!  
> Ó, lokaðu munninum. – Oh, shud your mouth.  
> Já! – Yes!  
> Nei -- No  
> Út! – Out!


	6. Together

He just didn’t know what to do with himself. ĺÞróttaálfurinn had never done this before; he had no frame of reference to guide him. Everything needed to be perfect, or else he might scare Glanni off for good. It had taken them so long to get to this point. He couldn’t blow it now, he just couldn’t. If he did, that would be the end of it and ĺÞrót couldn’t bear the thought of that happening. The elf _needed_ to make this work…he just didn’t know how.

The nervous hero once again picked up the pale blue piece of paper that was sitting on his bed. He sighed, staring at the unfolded letter. It was a bit crumpled by this point, given his shaking, sweaty palms and how many times he had read the letter for reassurance already, but ĺÞrót needed to read it again.

> _Dear ĺÞróttaálfurinn,_
> 
> _I was surprised to get your letter. I am very happy that you found someone! It sounded like you were a little scared to tell me about them, but if you like them, then they must be a good person. I am sure that they are wonderful if you care this much about them._
> 
> _I have known you since we were born, so I am sure that you are probably feeling worried about doing the right thing on your date. Stop. Relax and remember to be yourself, ĺÞrót. The reason that this person wanted to go on a date with you is because they like who you are in the first place. The most important thing to remember is to have fun._
> 
> _I can’t wait to hear all about your date later. I am happy that you found someone, ĺÞrót. I wish you the best._
> 
> _Ég elska Þig, bróðir,_
> 
> _Sportacus_

The hero gave a heavy sigh and nodded again, whispering to himself as he set the letter back down.

“I can do this. I can do this. Glanni’s the one who brought this whole thing up in the first place. He’ll stay. This was his idea, he’s already okay with you being a hero….” He whined, grabbing his hat atop his head tightly with both hands. “For crying out loud, you’ve already _slept_ together countless times! _Why_ is this so scary?” he cried.

He looked over at his brother’s letter, as if expecting it to supply him with some kind of answer. The letter, if it had any further advice it could give, kept quiet.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn sighed and let his hands drop to his sides like hunks of lead. He closed his eyes. He could do this. The hard part was already over; Glanni had asked him for an actual _date_. After two years of random sex and growing feelings, the felon was finally ready to try being in a relationship with him. A real relationship. That meant he cared about ĺÞrót at least on some level now, right? Right?

“No time for worrying about all that now,” the hero muttered to himself as he made sure the laces on his boots were tight. “I have to go meet Glanni. Oh God I have to go meet Glanni.”

He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, bouncing on his toes to loosen his muscles. Sportacus was right; he just needed to relax. He had been _seeing_ Glanni in one way or another long enough that he knew what the man may or may not like. He could wing it if he needed to. This would be okay. He could do this. Glanni was probably just as nervous as he was. It would be fine.

“Well, here we go, then,” ĺÞrót said to himself before clapping his hands together, launching himself into the air, and flipping over the edge of his basket to plummet to the ground below.

No turning back now. ĺÞrót took a deep breath and started jogging off toward the local park, throwing in a jump or a flip here and there to liven things up. And to keep himself moving and loose to try and avoid sinking back into his previous state of worry and severe overthinking. Almost there. They had agreed to meet each other at the gazebo in the picnic area. Now, though, ĺÞróttaálfurinn was starting to second-guess that decision. The snow from the last storm still hadn’t melted and, though the chill in the air didn’t bother the hero in the slightest, poor Glanni was probably going to be in a terrible mood if he had been waiting in this cold for any length of time.

Oh, great. The date hadn’t even started yet and he’d already ruined it!

“Calm down,” ĺÞrót whispered to himself as the little wooden structure came into view up ahead. “Calm down, maybe he’s not even there y—oh, nevermind.”

He could see someone standing inside and leaning against one of the posts. At first he thought it was a stranger, a lovely woman waiting alone for some unknown party, but a second glance and a knowing eye convinced him that yes, that was his unlikely date for the evening. Oh, he hoped Glanni hadn’t been waiting too long. Was he late? No, he couldn’t be late. Was Glanni early? Why would Glanni be early? The hero sighed heavily and put on an apprehensive smile to go meet the man.

Glanni looked gorgeous, even from behind. In disguise for their public outing, it looked like Glanni had gone all-out for their evening together. His hair was still short, yet somehow felt different than he usually wore it. Instead of being an unruly mop or wholly slicked down, the man had parted and styled it to the side, even trimming the back to create the illusion of proper layers. He couldn’t wait to see what Glanni’s makeup looked like.

The fae was also wearing a long red dress; ĺÞrót could see the silken-looking skirt sticking out under Glanni’s long black coat. At least the man had something warm to wear. And it matched his boots, too. Glanni always seemed to have an eye for details like that. It made ĺÞrót excited to see the rest of his date’s outfit. Well, he would see it soon enough now, wouldn’t he?

“ _Halló_ , beautiful stranger,” ĺÞrót laughed as he perched on the gazebo’s railing.

Glanni gave a shout of surprise, practically jumping out of his skin when the elf announced his presence. Good job, ĺÞrót. The hero chewed on his lip with worry as he watched the man spin around to face him properly. Oh, no. Glanni already looked upset. ĺÞrót had taken too much time worrying up in his balloon and now he was late, wasn’t he? Oh, he’d ruined everything before it even began!

Glanni took the purse hanging from his shoulder and swung it at the elf, hitting ĺÞrót in the shoulder.

“Stop sneaking up on me!” he snapped, taking another swing at the man and forcing ĺÞrót to dodge out of the way. “You do that _every_ time, I swear! Jesus Christ, ĺÞrót!”

Okay, he hadn’t expected that right out of the gate.

“I’m sorry, Glanni. I didn’t mean to scare you. I…I’m sorry I’m late.”

The fae gave him a look. “What in fucking hell are you talking about, you flipping idiot?”

ĺÞrót blinked. And stared.

Glanni sighed and buried his face in one hand. “ĺÞrót, you’re _early_. I _just_ got here.” He looked up at the hero. “Fucking hell, you’ve been freaking out for, like, the last hour, haven’t you?”

The elf shrugged and glanced away, chewing his lip again. He only looked back when he heard Glanni give an awkward chuckle instead of berating him for his silliness. The criminal was standing there with his arms folded across his chest while he stared at the floor.

“Good. I don’t feel so stupid then,” Glanni admitted quietly.

ĺÞrót smiled sheepishly. “I guess we match, then. You _are_ good at accessorizing,” he teased in a weak attempt to simultaneously compliment the man and ease both of their apparent anxieties. He continued with “You look lovely, Glanni.”

The fae’s makeup _was_ perfect. ĺÞrót’s favorite was Glanni’s impeccably applied red eyeshadow, particularly the small glittery shimmers throughout. Glanni’s nail polish and lipstick had been chosen to match. Red seemed to be Glanni’s color choice for the evening. It was a bold, aggressive color. And ĺÞrót loved it.

“I know I do,” the fae said with a knowing smile. “I’d better after all the trouble I went through for it. Wait ‘till you see the _dress_.”

The hero suddenly felt a little uncomfortable. “Uh, where exactly did you _get_ the dress?”

Now it was Glanni who seemed to be uncomfortable. He shrugged. “A store. Where else, dipshit?”

“ _Glanni_ …”

The gangster sighed and rolled his eyes, turning his head away. “I’ll...I’ll bring it back later,” he muttered in disappointment.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn moved from perching on the gazebo banister to sitting on it properly. “We’ll see,” he heard himself say, already worrying about the financial cost associated with what he had just said. “I can’t wait to see it. What I _can_ see is beautiful.”

Glanni let himself smile. ĺÞrót could swear the man almost looked _shy_ somehow. It was…cute. Glanni finally turned back to his date.

“Well, you look…” Glanni snickered as he looked over ĺÞróttaálfurinn’s usual hero outfit. “…like you. But, uh, a _good_ you.”

“Well I am glad I don’t look like a bad me,” the elf laughed.

“Me too. You’re short enough as it is,” the felon said with a grin and a shrug before offering ĺÞrót his arm. “Care to be my escort for the evening, you shitty little hero?”

The mischievous smile that graced Glanni’s lips sent a wonderful shiver down ĺÞrót’s spine. He hopped down from where he sat and linked his arm with the fae’s, pulling Glanni close to his side.

“It would be my honor to accompany you, _young lady_.”

Glanni rolled his eyes, but followed along with the elf as he led them back to the park walking path. The pair seemed at a loss for words for the first few minutes of walking back toward civilization. ĺÞrót couldn’t decide if small talk would be a good or bad idea, but it had been a crazy snap decision in an alleyway that had gotten them to this point in the first place, so…why not?

“Still a lot of snow,” the elf noted, unsure where exactly to begin.

“ _Unfortunately_ ,” Glanni grunted with a kick at a nearby snowbank. “Little shitflakes are everywhere. I’d have _nice_ shoes for tonight if I didn’t have to worry about freezing my goddamn toes off or sliding on something and snapping my neck. Fucking weather.”

“You’ve been somewhere warm, I hope?” ĺÞróttaálfurinn asked quietly.

Glanni shrugged and ĺÞrót wasn’t blind to the fact that the man wouldn’t look in his direction.

“Warm enough,” Glanni finally answered. “Still got all my fingers and toes, and my dick still works, so hey, can’t complain!”

“ _Glanni_ , if you need somewhere to stay—”

“I’m not your fucking charity case, ĺÞróttaálfurinn. I’m a grownass man and I can take care of myself.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t.”

“You might as well have.”

Oh, this was not going well. Small talk was a bad idea. He was ruining everything. Oh, he was blowing it. The hero sighed, pulling Glanni closer to his side as they walked.

“I’m sorry if it sounded like I was implying that you couldn’t take care of yourself,” ĺÞrót promptly apologized. “That wasn’t my intention. I just…I worry about you, Glanni. That’s all. I feel better when I know you’re safe. Don’t…you…?” The words died in his mouth and ĺÞrót decided that he had gotten himself into enough trouble already.

Glanni gently pulled ĺÞrót’s arm close as they walked. “You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” was all he said.

The elf couldn’t help but smile to himself and hope that Glanni’s words meant what he thought they meant. “I know,” he replied. “You do seem to like to remind me of it.”

“Because you’re a fucking idiot,” Glanni mumbled. The criminal cleared his throat. “So, uh, where are we going? I’m kind of suspicious since you’re not flip-flopping everywhere. It makes you suspicious. Stop being so damn suspicious, ĺÞrót.”

He had to laugh. “Would you _prefer_ that I be flipping instead of walking?”

“No.”

“Suspicious it is, then!”

“Jackass.”

The elf laughed, feeling much better all of a sudden. He released the man’s arm to settle for holding hands, figuring Glanni might appreciate the extra mobility. This time the fleeting silence felt calm and relaxed, each of the men sneaking glances at the other as they reached the main entrance to the park.

“So, where to, Casanova?” Glanni asked as he looked down at the hero. “I assume you made some kind of plan for this, given the fuss you kept making over it. I didn’t think a grown man’s voice could _get_ that high. I’m lucky I still have my fucking ear drums after listening to all that bullshit!”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn laughed outright at that, though he did give Glanni’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“I made dinner reservations for us,” ĺÞrót said happily before his smile started to slip. “Well, I _tried_ to, anyway. They said they didn’t _take_ reservations. They assured me it would be fine, but, well…I hope it will be. We’ll see, I guess!”

He looked up at Glanni with bright eyes. Now that they were back in the lighting of the city, the sparkle around Glanni’s eyes seemed all that much brighter and ĺÞrót felt like he was already losing himself in them as he gazed upon the tall man’s perfectly put together face. Glanni was a handsome man in his own right, of course, but the sheer skill that showed so brightly every time ĺÞrót saw him in his makeup…it was breathtaking.

“You tried to make reservations?” his date asked in surprise.

ĺÞrót nodded.

“Huh. You’re such a spontaneous little shit I didn’t expect you to, well, you know, put that much _forethought_ into this.” He looked the elf up and down quickly. “I mean, hell, you didn’t even change your clothes.”

ĺÞrót felt himself blush. “I…I didn’t have anything else to wear,” he admitted. “B-besides, I figured if, you know, if there was trouble, I…”

“Don’t worry about it, my Mustard Munchkin,” Glanni said as he leaned over to give ĺÞrót a kiss on the cheek. Glanni snickered a moment before reaching into his purse for some tissue to wipe away the lipstick he had left behind on the hero’s face. “Sorry about that.”

“No need!”

“So, where are we going? I swear, if you’re trying to take me to some shithole health bar or something, I’m leaving immediately and you’re never seeing my ass again.”

“I don’t think I have to worry about that. But…I do hope you like it. I’ve never been there before, myself.”

“Good. If the place is like an alien planet to someone like you, that means they might actually have something _good_ on the menu. Lead the way, my knight in short-and-stupid armor.”

After a grand bow to make Glanni roll his gorgeous eyes, ĺÞróttaálfurinn took up his date’s hand once more and headed down the street. He did his best to walk rather than run, skip, or jump, though sometimes he would slip up and end up hopping for a step or two. Glanni either did not notice, or he didn’t care. Either way it made a small warm glow pulse somewhere in ĺÞrót’s chest.

It only took a few minutes for the pair to reach their destination. While ĺÞrót didn’t yet feel ready to let go of his date’s hand and head inside, he knew Glanni was probably beginning to feel a little cold, given the winter weather all around them. Besides, the look on Glanni’s face when he realized that they _had_ , in fact, reached the restaurant ĺÞrót had chosen was hilarious enough that the elf now couldn’t wait to get him inside.

“ _Here?_ ”

“Yes.”

“You _seriously_ chose to have our date here.”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn nodded with an awkwardly amused smile on his face. “I…thought that you might like this place a little better than…somewhere I would choose for myself.”

Glanni stared up at the pizza-and-pasta restaurant in amazement. He squeezed ĺÞrót’s hand and couldn’t seem to let go.

“ _Really?_ ” he demanded, looking the man in the eye.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn nodded again with a laugh. “Yes, Glanni.” He squeezed his hand back. “Shall we go inside?”

“Oh _fuck yes_!” the fae roared, suddenly dragging the hero toward the door. “I’m hungry as hell and I’m on a _date_! If my sexy escort is paying, I’m ordering one of everything!”

The elf let himself be lead—dragged—into the short seating queue just inside the front entrance to the little restaurant. It wasn’t fancy by any means, but it was nice, it was clean, and the people who were already seated and eating all looked happy enough. That was certainly a good sign. Glanni was practically bouncing now, something ĺÞrót made a mental note to tease him about later; for someone who seemed to like to be lazy at any opportunity, he was certainly moving a lot while just _standing_ there.

“How many?” the young lady asked when she returned from seating the previous group of diners.

“Just two of us,” the elf said with a bright smile, glancing up at Glanni as he spoke.

She stared, glancing between the two for a second. Glanni immediately looked nervous, but his worries were swept away when their hostess broke into a giant smile.

“Oh my goodness, you’re ĺÞróttaálfurinn, aren’t you?” she exclaimed.

The hero suddenly felt like he was under a hot spotlight. “I, um…well, yes…”

“Oh wow!” she laughed. “I never expected to see someone like you in a place like this. It…it’s an honor to meet you! You saved my sister from a mugger once—if she was here I know she’d say want to say thank you.”

ĺÞrót laughed and shrugged. “There’s no need to thank me just for helping. So long as she passes the kindness along to someone else!”

The woman hugged the menus to her chest as she smiled. “I’ll definitely let her know. Um, two, right? Sorry, kind of went scatterbrained there for a second.”

“Yes, _two_ ,” Glanni interjected, looking like he wanted to grab his menu already.

“Right this way!” the hostess sang as she turned to lead them to their table.

“Finally,” ĺÞrót heard the felon grumble by his side.

He nudged Glanni gently, shooting him a look of warning to behave himself. The fae looked mildly surprised, but soon melted into a smug smile that the hero couldn’t quite decipher.

“Here we are,” the woman said, setting the menus on the table and stepping back to allow the pair into their booth. “I’m sorry if I’m being a little nosy…”

“Doubt we could stop you if we tried,” Glanni muttered under his breath as he slipped his coat from his shoulders and hung it carefully on a thoughtfully provided hook at the edge of their booth.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn couldn’t help but stare up at Glanni as the man’s bare shoulders were slowly revealed. The brilliantly red dress the man wore was absolutely stunning. It was nearly floor length, without sleeves, and it left a beautiful diamond-shaped window , barely the size of his fist, nestled just below the man’s chest. The elf swallowed as his eyes traveled up the crimson fabric that criss-crossed over Glanni’s chest to loop around his neck. When he turned to hang his coat, ĺÞrót couldn’t help but stare at the man’s almost completely bare back. Oh, ĺÞrót had been right; the fae was absolutely gorgeous. Even more than he had expected he would be. He wished they weren’t in public right now.

“…but are, um…may I ask if you’re on a date?” the hostess finished, happily glancing between the two of them as Glanni sat down.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn’s blush must have given them away, because the woman’s smile looked almost ready to break her face in half. She turned to Glanni and winked at him.

“You definitely found yourself a good catch,” she complimented with the hint of a giggle. “Don’t let this one go or someone else’s try and scoop ‘im right up!”

“I don’t think I have to worry about that,” Glanni replied with a glance in ĺÞrót’s direction. “They’d have to get him to sit still long enough to catch him first, and he’s a perpetual motion machine.”

The hostess laughed while ĺÞrót’s cheeks turned a bright red. The woman said she would be back in just a moment while they looked over their drink selection and hurried back to the front of the restaurant. Glanni snorted in amusement as he watched the elf squirm uncomfortably in his seat.

“So you’re a catch, eh?” Glanni teased.

ĺÞrót just shrugged and grabbed his menu.

“Either my reputation is slipping,” Glanni sighed as he looked through his own menu, “Or I’ve been underestimating my disguise expertise.”

“At least it means we can have a nice dinner together in peace,” the hero offered.

“Unless more of your disciples decide to come pay their respects,” Glanni teased.

“Glan—I mean—” ĺÞrót quickly looked around worriedly.

“Scarlet,” his date supplied.

“ _Scarlet_ ,” the hero sighed. “Please don’t talk about people that way. They’re not my _disciples_. They’re just citizens.”

“Whatever.”

ĺÞrót sighed and tried to keep his eyes focused on the menu in front of him. Though his mind was fixed on the criminal in the blood red dress sitting across from him instead. He revisited chewing on his lower lip as his mind began to wander over that dress.

“Hey, dickweed!”

ĺÞrót jumped, looking up to see Glanni’s hand stretched out toward him for some reason, fingers pinched together like he was about to start snapping at him. Maybe he already had?

“There we go. Where were you?”

The hero just stared in confusion.

“I _asked_ if you might want some wine.”

ĺÞrót blinked. “Oh. Oh, sorry, Gl—Scarlet. I guess my mind wandered a bit.”

“ _Clearly_ ,” Glanni said, watching the elf suspiciously. “So. That wine. _Já eða nei_?”

“I like wine,” ĺÞrót insisted. “O-order whatever you’d like. I’ll pay for it.”

Glanni sighed. “I hate when you say things like that. I’m…you do too much as it is. It’s…I just don’t like it.”

The elf’s face fell. “I know you don’t like to accept help, G— _ugh!_ —Scarlet. I don’t mean to be patronizing or make you feel bad. I really don’t!”

“I know. That’s why it’s fuckin’ stupid,” his date mumbled as he perused the short wine list. “If I wasn’t so shitty at my job, maybe I’d have more to show for it.”

“I’m sorry,” was all ĺÞrót could think to say.

A few moments of silence followed, both men staring at their menus.

Glanni spoke up first. “I’m ruining things, aren’t I?”

“No! No, you’re fine! You’re right; I shouldn’t just _throw_ things at you like I have been. I don’t mean to overstep my boundaries… _Scarlet_. I just…wish I could make it so you have everything you deserve.”

ĺÞrót missed the puzzled frown on Glanni’s face. The criminal opened his mouth to say something in response, but the words evaporated on the spot when their hostess—evidently having switched positions with a coworker just to wait on the local celebrity hero—returned to the table.

“Any ideas on drinks?” she asked cheerfully, glancing between the pair.

Glanni was the one who answered. “Yes, actually. The red wine, I think,” he said, gesturing to his selection on the menu. “Might as well keep with the theme,” he said, flashing ĺÞrót a smile.

“A-and a glass of water for me, too, please,” the elf added.

“Sounds great! I’ll just go and get—”

“Hang on a sec,” Glanni interrupted. “I think we’re ready to order.”

“Oh. Um, alright! What would you like?”

ĺÞrót opened his mouth, but received a swift kick to the shins under the table. He jumped in surprise, unsure how to react. Glanni gazed over his menu at his date and grinned. The hero furrowed his brow in confusion.

“We’ll have a large meat lover’s pizza, a plate of chicken parmesan, another large five-cheese pizza, some mozeralla sticks, uh, oh, a large bar-be-que style pizza, and, oh, I guess the salad bar for the mustard man.”

Their waitress stared at Glanni in amazement. She glanced between the couple, as looking for confirmation that the order wasn’t some sort of joke. ĺÞrót just gave a tiny smile and nodded.

“That sounds good.”

The woman blinked a few times and shrugged. “That sounds…good,” she repeated, as if to assure herself that she had just heard those words from the health-preaching hero. “I’ll put this right in for you and get your wine.”

“Thank _you_ ,” Glanni said with a grin, offering her their menus before she scurried off to the kitchen.

“What was that for?” the hero asked curiously.

“Oh, you like it when I take control,” Glanni grinned, leaning back in his booth. “Besides, you were going to get the salad bar, weren’t you?” he teased. “ _Weren’t you?_ ”

ĺÞrót gave a shrug and tried to hide his sheepish smile.

“Ha! See, I know you,” the felon laughed.

The hero was suddenly aware of something sitting next to him. He glanced over to see Glanni’s boots resting on the seat beside him. He swallowed, able to see the man’s milky skin just above before the rest of him disappeared from his view under the table.

“You okay over there?”

He looked up.

“ĺÞrót?”

The elf seemed to sink into his armor a bit. “It’s just…your boots….” He mumbled, glancing at Glanni’s feet.

“I’m not fuckin’ moving them. This is comfortable.”

“That’s not…it.”

It took Glanni a moment, but a look of recognition slowly took over his features before he gave his ate a toothy smirk. He wiggled his toes inside his boots.

“You want to fuck me,” he gleefully accused.

ĺÞrót knew his immediate blush gave him away. Glanni just started laughing.

“You want me bent over this table right here and now, don’t you?”

The elf began to sink down in his seat, face beat red. “Please, _Scarlet_ , not so loud,” he squeaked in sheer agony.

Glanni just kept laughing.

“Water and wine—” The waitress seemed to be terribly lost when she beheld the scene before her. “Is…everything okay?” she asked as she set the glasses and plates down.

ĺÞrót kept his eyes firmly on the table in front of him as he tried to mutter a quiet ‘thank you’ for their drinks. Glanni was trying to catch his breath while he waved the poor bewildered woman away.

“Oh, ĺÞrót, I _have_ been a terrible influence on you, haven’t I?”

The elf whined. ĺÞrót yelped, hitting the table when he jumped in surprise at the boot suddenly pressing between his legs. Glanni casually raised his glass of wine to his lips and took a sip, winking at his date across the table.

“Scarlet,” the hero hissed with wide eyes. He grabbed Glanni’s boot with both hands to keep it from stroking his crotch further. “ _Please_ stop.”

Glanni sighed and pulled his legs back. He set his glass down and leaned on the table.

“Alright, alright. No more torturing the poor sexy hero.”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn sighed in relief, all but collapsing on the table as he tried to get his own body to calm down. He _did_ want Glanni. It was _nice_ when they slept together, after all. It always made him feel so good, and after the last time, things suddenly felt so much more _intimate_ than before. The feeling was addictive. But ĺÞrót also wanted _this_. He wanted a nice, normal date with the man he had fallen in love with. And his awakened libido was ruining everything. He’d never had thoughts like this before meeting the handsome criminal. Then again, he’d never had a successful date before Glanni, either.

“H-hey, ĺÞrót, you okay?”

He looked up to see Glanni’s beautiful eyes staring at him. They looked… _worried_.

“Seriously, you okay?” his date asked him again.

Glanni was concerned about him. That brought a small smile back to his lips.

“ĺÞrót? Look, I’m—I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay,” the hero said as he took up one of the plates the waitress had left for him. After taking a brief moment to make sure he was presentable, ĺÞróttaálfurinn slid out of the booth and walked around to Glanni’s side and leaned over to kiss the man. “I’ll be right back.”

As ĺÞrót made his way over to the restaurant’s appetizing salad bar, he was well aware that the fae was watching him from their table. The elf tried to ignore him for the time being, still feeling a little awkward about the whole boot…crotch…in public…incident. The salad bar selection was as good as he had hoped, and the elf piled his plate high with leafy goodness before heading back to the table. The hero was surprised to find Glanni still watching him and looking unexpectedly distraught.  That was concerning.

“What’s wrong?” ĺÞrót asked, setting his plate on the table, but hesitant to sit down.

Glanni pursed his lips a moment before answering. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

The hero blinked. “I’m fine, Glanni.”

“The look on your face didn’t seem fine,” the fae mumbled quietly.

ĺÞrót reached across the table, gently taking up his date’s hand. He offered Glanni a warm smile. “I’m okay. I just…heh. That dress really looks great on you.”

Glanni squeezed the elf’s hand. “Well _that_ we knew. I just…don’t want to ruin the evening by, well, being _me_. Sorry for being an ass.”

“You’re not an ass. And nothing’s ruined. I just…” ĺÞrót felt his face flush. “You make my mind wander.”

The man sitting across from him seemed to finally be relaxing a bit. Glanni kissed the back of ĺÞrót’s hand before sitting back again. He took up his glass of wine.

“Dearie dear, do you mean to tell me you were having _impure_ thoughts about me? Maybe having little fantasies about how this evening might end?”

The hero tried not to smile, but failed miserably. He tried to hide behind his glass of wine.

“Well, I just don’t know what to do with you, Mister ĺÞróttaálfurinn. What kind of girl do you take me for that I would sleep with a man on our very first date?”

ĺÞrót nearly choked on his water when he started laughing.

“Oh, I wouldn’t _imagine_ deflowering a beautiful angel like you, Miss Scarlet,” the elf replied.

“Such a noble hero!”

ĺÞrót raised his wine glass with a silly smile. “To awkward first dates?” he proposed.

“To awkward as _hell_ first dates,” Glanni agreed, holding up his own glass.

The two lightly clinked their glasses together before drinking. They laughed.

Both men stifled their giggles when their waitress returned. Glanni helped her arrange the plethora of food about the table before all but shooing her away so they could eat. ĺÞrót rolled his eyes and dug into his salad as Glanni tackled his mozzarella sticks. The fae was making a surprisingly large dent in his mountain of an order, and ĺÞrót felt a little awkward when he finished his salad and his date was still showing no sign of letting up. Against his better judgement, ĺÞrót decided to go back to the salad bar for a second helping to occupy himself.

“How’s everything?” the waitress asked, stopping by the table.

Glanni mumbled something around the pizza in his mouth, but otherwise didn’t look at her. ĺÞrót gave her an apologetic smile.

“Everything is wonderful, thank you. Could we get some to-go containers and the check, please?”

Glanni shot him a look when the woman left. “I’m still eatin’ here, damnit.”

“You can still eat. But you don’t have to eat everything in one sitting, that’s all.”

Glanni stared at his plate and sighed. “ _Fine._ I’ll take the rest to go. Don’t want to rip the dress trying to wiggle out of it later anyway.”

“I could help,” ĺÞrót whispered after their waitress had gone.

Glanni shot him a look of surprise, his eyes darting out toward the rest of the restaurant for a second, as if he had to make sure that yes, they were still in public.

The waitress came to interrupt again. “Here we are. It was an honor serving you, Mister ĺÞróttaálfurinn. I hope the two of you enjoy the rest of your evening.”

“Thank you,” ĺÞrót said as he paid their bill.

The woman left and the elf helped his partner package Glanni’s army of leftovers. Even if it was all rather unhealthy, he was actually glad that Glanni had ordered so much food. It meant that he wouldn’t have to worry where the man’s next meal would be coming from.  The hero offered to carry the bag of food containers and waited patiently as Glanni’s beautiful dress disappeared back under the man’s slick black coat. ĺÞrót missed it already.

“Ready?” he asked, offering his companion his free hand.

Glanni took it without question. ĺÞrót stood on his tip-toes to give Glanni a kiss on the cheek. He swore he heard a soft, excited-sounding gasp from somewhere near the kitchens.

“Have a good evening!” their waitress called after them as they left. Ah, that’s where the gasp had come from.

“You need to tell your fangirls to fucking chill,” Glanni said once they were safely outside.

“She seemed nice, though.”

“Probably bitching about me to her kitchen buddies,” Glanni sighed. “Whatever. Jealous bitch.”

“ _Glanni!_ ”

“Who?”

ĺÞrót rolled his eyes. “You shouldn’t assume the worst in people, Scarlet.”

“That’s better. And too bad, I will. It’s kept me alive so far, so fuck ‘em.”

The elf just sighed.

“So, where to now?” the fae asked as they started to wander down the street and back toward the park.

“I, um…” ĺÞrót looked nervous. “To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. I had hoped that I would be able to think of something during dinner but…”

“Too distracted?” Glanni teased.

The hero let out a quietly embarrassed whimper. His date just laughed and kissed his cheek. Glanni decided not to clear away the faint lipstick print this time.

“I’ve just…I’ve never done this before. We’re very different, and I didn’t want to take somewhere or do something you wouldn’t like. I wasn’t sure what else we could do. I thought of ice skating, but I didn’t think you would like that. And I doubted you would want to go see the indoor farmer’s market either. Dinners are standard for dates, but for what would come after...that was a little hard to figure out.”

“Yeah, even if we went the classic route, I can’t really picture you trying to sit still for an entire movie,” Glanni agreed in amusement. “At least not without getting us kicked out because you’re flipping all over the damn place.”

“I’m sorry.”

“ĺÞrót, you’re apologizing for something that never happened. What the fuck?”

“No, I mean, about not being able to come up with something. I wanted to make tonight special, but I’m not doing a very good job.”

“Well first off, nobody’s perfect, not even a squeaky clean little shit like you. Second, dinner was great. I…heh. For a second there I thought you were pulling a prank or something. Never in a million years would I have guessed you’d take me to a pizza joint!”

“I thought you might like it.”

“Come here, you stupid elf,” Glanni laughed, pulling his hand out of ĺÞrót’s so he could wrap both arms around the man. “Kiss me, you idiot.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. The two embraced where they stood on the sidewalk, kissing sweetly and trying to covertly grope at one another as much as possible, given their very public location.  ĺÞrót did his best to balance holding both Glanni and his giant bag of food.

“Well, it’s not as cold as I expected it’d be,” Glanni sighed when they finally pulled apart. “How about a walk?”

The elf scoffed. “ _You_? A walk? Who are you and what have you done with, uh, Scarlet?”

“How the fuck do you think we got to that stupid restaurant?” Glanni laughed. “Not like it’s that strenuous, and movies and shit always seem to say walks are romantic as hell for some reason. So, how about I walk and you…do whatever weird shit you always seem to do. Sound good?”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn grinned and reclaimed Glanni’s hand. “And maybe, if you end up a little tired—from all the physical activity and all—maybe I could take you back to my hot air balloon to _rest up_.”

“What a gentleman,” the fae giggled. “You’re wearing my lipstick, by the way,” he added, gesturing to the man’s reddened lips.

“Then then you for helping me look gorgeous,” the elf laughed, unbothered as they started back toward the park entrance.

“So,” Glanni said after a short while, “Figure one of us should make some kind of conversation on our little stroll. _So_ , I’ve got a question for ya, Mustard Man.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. So…what’s up with the no dating experience shit? I’d have thought a guy like you would have had all the high school girls climbing on you back in the day. Hell, judging by that waitress chick, you probably have them fighting each other to the death for you. Oh, fuck, you grew up around elf girls, too…what’d they do? Like, synchronized gymnastics routines to get your attention or something stupid elf bullshit like that? Oh, please tell me you have some kind of stupid flippy mating dances or something! I’d love to see that—tell me giant bird feathers are involved or some crazy shit!”

ĺÞrót kept his eyes on the ground as they headed back into the park. He didn’t comment on the felon’s words right away, instead looking surprisingly uncomfortable.

“Uh…shit. Did I break you again?” Glanni asked with a slightly wavering voice.

“N-no, I just…” the elf shrugged. “It’s a little embarrassing, that’s all.”

“Like hell it’s embarrassing. I’ve shoved my face practically up your ass. I think whatever’s floating around in your fat head isn’t as bad as you think it is.”

“Please don’t be so loud,” ĺÞrót whined.

“I’ll shut up if you spill.”

The hero sighed. He tried to gather his thoughts and shrugged. “This is the first date I’ve ever been on. No, well…I guess that’s not true. There were a couple, but…I didn’t really want to be there. It was that age where everyone was starting to go on dates and I figured I should, too, but…I really wasn’t interested in anyone. I just…went out with them because that’s what I was _supposed_ to do.”

“That’s always the shittiest reason for doing things,” Glanni said quietly as he took in the winter scenery of the city park.

“I guess so. I certainly wasn’t happy, that’s for sure. And I know those girls weren’t happy _with_ me, either.”

“So you don’t like women, I take it?” his date asked curiously. “Always wondered about that. I mean, I’ll fuck anything so long as they have a pulse and won’t make me puke if I look at ‘em—”

“No, it’s not that.” ĺÞrót sighed. “Truth is, I never really liked _anyone_. At least not like everyone else seemed to. Y-you’re the first person I ever, well, had _feelings_ for.”

The silence that followed worried the hero enough that he looked up at Glanni to make sure he was okay. The man was still walking, but staring out at the trees with wide eyes. ĺÞrót couldn’t tell if the man looked amazed or frightened. Maybe both. He turned his own eyes back to the path, unsure what to do outside of continuing to speak.

“I don’t know _why_. I just wasn’t interested. And then you came along and...and everything feels different now. It’s like I finally understand what everyone’s been talking about all these years, but it’s only there when I’m around you. You’re just…different somehow.”

“So...the first time we fucked,” Glanni said slowly, “You weren’t just an ass virgin. You were a _virgin_ virgin.”

He nodded.

“Well, shit. If I’d known that I would have lit some candles or something,” Glanni mumbled with a hint of guilt. “You, uh…you never wanted to have sex before that?”

“Not before you, no.”

“Hmm. Maybe you’re somewhere on the ace spectrum?” the fae suggested with a shrug.

“Aspectrum?” ĺÞrót with a curious frown as he looked up at the man beside him.

Glanni sighed, shoulders dropping. “Fucking idiot, _no_. Not aspectrum. _Ace_ spectrum. Two words. You know, like _asexual_?”

ĺÞrót stared at him.

“You’ve _really_ never heard of asexual before?”

The elf frowned, struggling to find an answer that wouldn’t make him feel as stupid as he suddenly felt. “I-isn’t that what germs do to make more germs?” he ventured.

Evidently, that was the wrong answer, because Glanni slapped a hand to his face and groaned.

“I take it you’ve never heard of demisexual either, then?”

“Sorry,” ĺÞrót mumbled, suddenly feeling like a child who was failing a quiz he hadn’t known to study for.

Glanni waved a hand at the man. “Asexual just means you don’t find other people sexually attractive. _Demi_ sexual means you don’t usually find people sexually attractive unless you’ve let yourself go and get attached to the bastards first. Make sense?”

ĺÞrót slowly nodded. That did make sense. In fact, a _lot_ suddenly made sense. Women had been interested in him in the past, sure, but they always seemed so disappointed in ĺÞrót’s reactions to them. They had been nice, and many had even been pretty, but ĺÞrót just couldn’t see anyone in the way that it seemed everyone else saw each other. No wonder Sportacus had once asked him if he was gay. But, ĺÞrót had known that didn’t describe him either. At least, until Glanni.

After they had begun to encounter each other more and more, Glanni had seemed so _different_ from everyone else. It had taken the hero a long time to recognize his own feelings. At first, he had thought maybe the right switch inside his brain had flipped so he would be like everyone else. But it only ever flipped for Glanni specifically. And now he understood why.

“I’m…demisexual.” That felt weird to say.

“Guess I’m just the lucky bastard your dick decided was its favorite,” Glanni teased.

ĺÞrót looked up at the man. Even though the fae was clearly teasing him, he couldn’t help but notice the glimmer in Glanni’s eye, or how his smile seemed a little brighter than usual. He was never entirely certain how the felon felt about him, but in that moment ĺÞrót knew that, at least on some level, Glanni actually liked him. Glanni was happy to be with him. And that, the elf knew, was what mattered most.

“I guess you are,” he agreed with a chuckle. ĺÞrót let out a slow breath. “I didn’t know there was a word for it.”

Glanni sounded oddly somber when he spoke. “It feels good to have a name for it, doesn’t it?”

He nodded. “Yeah…yeah, it does. It’s nice to know I’m not…”

“Broken?”

“Yeah,” the elf sighed, all too familiar with that feeling.

Glanni squeezed his hand.

“What about you?” ĺÞrót asked curiously. “I’d find it a little hard to believe you’re demisexual, too,” he said with a wink.

“Me? Oh hell no! Gimme a hole to aim for and a pulse to go with it and I’m dandy,” the fae laughed. “But, uh…” He cleared his throat. “I guess I should admit this is probably my first real date with anyone, too.”

ĺÞróttaálfurinn hadn’t realized he stopped walking until his frozen stance almost yanked Glanni backward by the hand.

“What the hell?”

“Sorry, I just…you…I know you’ve had other partners.” Even since their first time together. “I just…I guess I assumed you’ve been on…” His voice trailed off for only a moment. “Why did you say you wanted to go on a date with _me_?”

Glanni gave a noncommittal shrug. His mouth moved, but for a second no sound came out. He grumbled something ĺÞrót couldn’t quite hear, then groaned in frustration. “It’s…ugh! It’s fucking complicated.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Gl—Scarlet.”

“I just…don’t do relationships in general.” The fae pulled the shorter man close to his side before kissing ĺÞrót on his forehead. “But I figured the cute, flippy asshole and his little asshole might be worth a shot.”

The elf snorted and pressed his face into Glanni’s coat. He couldn’t help but giggle when he felt Glanni’s hand cup his rear end. He leaned into the fae’s side and wrapped an arm around the man. Though ĺÞróttaálfurinn hadn’t been very aware of the chill in the air before, being so close to the criminal he loved so much suddenly made him feel warm. He never wanted to pull away. Unfortunately, the universe seemed to have other plans for him.

ĺÞrót’s crystal suddenly began to flash and cry, screaming in his ear that someone was in trouble. Colors, sounds, and flashes of scenery flooded his mind.

“Shit!”

Glanni burst out laughing at the sound of the hero swearing so suddenly. “I _am_ a bad influence on you! Oh, I love it!” He kissed ĺÞrót’s cheek and patted his rear. “Go save the day, Sugar Dick.”

ĺÞrót found himself momentarily conflicted. “But…our date. I…”

“ _ĺÞróttaálfurinn_. Go. I’ll be right here when you get back. And maybe we can go back to your balloon and, well, bump balloons. Deal?”

The elf grinned. “Deal,” he chuckled.

ĺÞrót gave Glanni a parting kiss before setting down the bag of food and flipping head-over-heels to dashing off and save the day. He looked back at the fae before the man would disappear from his line of sight. Glanni was standing there quietly, watching him leave with an uncharacteristically sad expression on his face. He would have to hurry back as soon as possible; he wouldn’t let Glanni wear that expression for long. He would always return to Glanni. Glanni made his life make sense.

ĺÞróttaálfurinn gave a wave to his love and Glanni smiled, wondering what the hero’s fans would think of all that lipstick he had left on the man’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I actually have a Excel sheet timeline for major events of this AU
> 
> Another fun fact: "A Series of Firsts" takes place ~5 years before Stephanie is even born. These boys take forEVER to figure their shit out...  
> \-------------------------------------------
> 
> Translations:  
> Ég elska Þig, bróðir, -- I love you, brother  
> Já eða nei? – Yes or no?


End file.
